


Midnight Train

by Liwet



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-07
Updated: 2014-01-01
Packaged: 2017-12-25 21:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/957852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liwet/pseuds/Liwet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One might think Bertholdt Fubar's life strongly resembles a boring, poorly-executed romantic comedy. One would not be entirely wrong. (except for the part where it doesn't.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Characters are introduced and it turns out Bertholdt doesn't know shit

The first actual words Bertholdt hears on this fine Thursday morning are "You still haven't told him.", delivered as a statement in a dry, unimpressed tone.

Bertholdt doesn't ask how Annie knows; over the course of their friendship, he has learned that Annie knows everything ('That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets' an traitorous voice in his mind supplies, quoting a movie Bertholdt definitely did _not_ watch and even if he did, he did _not_ enjoy and anyway, Annie doesn't have big hair. He would modify the quote to be about her nose but when it comes to noses, Bertholdt doesn't have the privilege to talk).

Avoiding the well-known gaze, somehow both contemptuous and pitying, Bertholdt slides into his seat and pays too much attention than necessary to ordering his usual breakfast, toasts with eggs and that's not the usual sunny side up eggs and toasts served separately but more like a sandwich made with toast and scrambled eggs and it's delicious first thing in the morning. It's only when he runs out of things to pay attention to does he look at Annie, resigned eyes meeting her impassive stare. "There is nothing wrong with taking my time." he says defensively, just like he had many times before and just like many times before it has no effect whatsoever.

Annie and Bertholdt had met through a mutual friend - Armin Arlert, an unusually bright highschooler who aspires to be a defense lawyer (and he doesn't say why but Bertholdt met his two best friends, Mikasa and Eren, who are adamant on joining the police forces one day and he knows Armin wants to be there, wants to protect them in his own way and help them in his own way, fighting with what he does best, words and persuasion alone).

He's not quite sure how he and Armin became friends - all that he knows is that somehow Armin's parents know his and they know Bertholdt is a second year law student and could he maybe meet with Armin to tell him a bit about the studies here...? And Bertholdt did because it isn't the kind of a favour you refuse and he and Armin hit it off (despite being on opposite sides because Bertholdt aims to be a prosecutor. The thought of having to face Armin in court one of these days makes him positively shudder, as if he wasn't already questioning his career choice on a regular basis; Bertholdt was many things - tall and sweaty being most prominent - but he was not an orator and he was not confident and those were two traits crucial to his future job and he was working on it, he really was).

_(Also, Bertholdt never told it to anyone, but he admires Armin for knowing so much and lasting in his ambition for so long; he reminds Bertholdt of himself when he was younger, when he couldn't understand why would someone want to hurt people, when he believed all those bad, bad people he hears about on the news were pushed into it and someone had to stand up for them - except then he grew up and realized that yes, there are people who want to hurt others for the sake of sheer hurting and he decided someone had to do the dirty work, stain his hands to send them where they belong and if it had to be him, so be it)._

Anyway, one time Armin brought Annie along who was Bertholdt's age and studying nearby as well; Bertholdt wasn't sure what exactly she was studying but he knew it was something that will eventually allow her to get into the FBI and surely bring about a revolution like never before. They didn't hit it off at once - Annie was silent, Bertholdt unsure what to say, but then it turned out they shared a lecture or two and he ended up sitting next to her because he didn't have many friends on lectures and sitting next to someone you knew in silence was better than sitting alone like the least liked kid in class and then they somehow ended up meeting at lunch and it all naturally developed from there. They found out they both get lunch at around the same time on Mondays and Tuesdays and they both had the habit of grabbing breakfast before the lectures on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays.

Annie was comfortable to be around with. Bertholdt learned early on that she didn't appreciate talking for the sake of talking and didn't indulge in chit-chat about subjects she deemed irrelevant and pointless. She had no qualms in taking out a book while in company and working instead of doing the obligatory socializing and Bertholdt appreciated that, the quiet companionship as they both focused on their respective tasks, the comfortable silences.

It's not that they didn't talk at all, though. Given their courses they had ample topics to discuss and when they had opposing views, the discussions turned even a bit heated and Bertholdt even argued his point, sometimes stumbling over words and stuttering just a bit but arguing nevertheless (the arguments usually ended up in Annie shooting down his points with sharp, precise remarks, both of them eventually agreeing to disagree and Bertholdt always imagined it looked like that stupid video game about lawyers Reiner showed him, with the sound effects and 'Take thats' and 'Objections' and the main character had a shot where he sweated a lot when he was losing, except Bertholdt tended to do it even without the losing part and don't let him get started on how utterly inaccurate this whole thing was, no matter how Reiner claimed it was enjoyable-)

Ah, right. Reiner.

"It's true!" He insisted, fidgeting a bit under Annie's sharp gaze and started on a speech he kept telling himself at least once a week, repeating it like a mantra. "Many people our age just jump mindlessly into relationships, which last only a week or two at most, spurred by the thrill of being on their own for the first time, letting themselves get carried away, is it so weird that I'm checking the grounds first? Testing if we're compatible? Ensuring it's not my hormones and a need to experience the adult world now that I'm away from home or worse, it's not some temporary fancy, is it so wrong of me to want a relationship that would last-"

"You've been testing the grounds for a year now and wanted to marry him for a half of the year."

Bertholdt's words died in his throat with a pathetic, quiet groan. Oh God, he might've occasionally _fantasized_ about actual marriage, true enough, but Annie had no way of knowing that! "You-you have no proof!" he spluttered and the prosecutor in him died a little on the inside because really, that was the best he could do?

"I'll tell him." He conceded when Annie didn't dignify his response with one of her own (rightfully so). "Eventually. When I figure out how. And when the timing is right. I will!" The last part was defensive again because Annie arched her eyebrows just so and yes, she had a good reason for doubting his words concerning this particularly sensitive matter but she didn't have to be so obvious about it.

The reason for the whole conversation (and the few ones that occurred before that, all of them pretty much following the same pattern) was Reiner Braun, Bertholdt's roommate and friend and maybe perhaps probably definitely the love of his life. They met a little over a year ago when they found out they would be sharing a room in the student's dorm and at first, there were no signs of the upcoming apocalypse that was to occur in Bertholdt's life. Sure, Reiner wasn't the best roommate - he left his things lying around, he sometimes waited for hours before washing his dishes even if Bertholdt really needed them to cook his own dinner because it's not like the small kitchen had an endless supply of pots and plates.

But he also didn't try and force Bertholdt to socialize with him, he diligently did his chores on the scheduled days and for all his jock-like characteristics, he was a vet student who took his studies seriously and could tell when someone can and cannot be disturbed. So Bertholdt figured it could be worse - Reiner wasn't always loud, he knew when to be quiet and he didn't steal food, he didn't complain or call him a freak that time when Bertholdt happened to wake up in a weird position on his bed (and how did he even get there anyway, he didn't realize it until one day he happened to wake up earlier and he was so mortified he started to get up early on a regular basis to grab breakfast and he even tied his wrist to his own bed). So yes, it wasn't perfect but it also wasn't the worst and so Bertholdt resigned himself to spending a year living with this man under one roof.

It took him few months to end up being head over heels and it's been a little less than year since then and he still hadn't confessed. He knew Annie had a point, he knew this wasn't about him testing the grounds - they agreed on being roommates for the second year for a good reason, he knew they worked well together - but rather, it was all about Bertholdt being chicken shit-

"You're just chicken shit." Annie informed him, brutally breaking the silence and packing her book just so she could stare at Bertholdt some more and make him uncomfortable.

Bertholdt just mumbled something into his sandwich. It wasn't just that, it was just - Reiner, unlike him, was a man who reached for what he wanted, who wasn't exactly subtle, who took things in stride, who faced up to the challenge, who took his chances. If he had any interest in Bertholdt, surely, he would've made it obvious by now. He knew Reiner was gay, having overheard him admit it just like that to one friend or another-

> _'So, Braun, saw you talking to this girl yesterday, she was pretty cute; didn't peg you for the short, blue-eyed blonde type, though.'_
> 
> _'What? Christa is an angel but I'm not interested in her like that, sheesh.'_
> 
> _'Then what's your type, cause you've had girls flocking to you but I've never seen you give them a chance, what's up with that?'_
> 
> _'My type is one with a dick, moron.'_
> 
> _'Oh. Wait, but does that mean you have a crush on one of us-'_
> 
> _'Don't flatter yourself Kirstein. I have standards.'_

\- but that hardly meant Bertholdt was his type. He would've noticed if he were, he was sure of it.

What Bertholdt didn't know, was that the lecture hall of the veterinary department, had a perfect view on the entrance to the law department. And that Reiner always liked window seats.

What Bertholdt didn't know was that his height made him really easy to spot, same with Annie's bright blonde hair.

What Bertholdt didn't know was that Reiner always passed this very cafeteria on his way to the lecture hall on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays and he would always slow down, his gaze lingering on the tall, usually blushing man and his blonde, female companion.

What Bertholdt didn't know was that Annie would always discreetly look back at the broad, blonde man passing by, her gaze critical and sharp until he was gone and there would be a small, amused smile on her face when she looked back at Bertholdt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Alright, first of all a bit of info about this: This will be mainly written like this, from Bertholdt's perspective (originally I was going to do it from Reiner's pov but somehow Bertholdt started to narrate it and I liked it so he stayed). I might do a chapter or few from other character's perspective, just so you know.
> 
> 2\. Obviously, Reiner/Berthold are a major part of this story but I didn't want this to be only about them getting together; I want to also include information about Bertholdt's relationships with other people, about Reiner and Bertholdt's families, about Bertholdt's thoughts on various subjects, including his future career etc. Like I said, I might include other characters as well; we'll see how it goes but for now only Bertholdt is a sure bet.
> 
> 3\. The main point is for Reiner and Bertholdt to get together but this won't be a story that goes from point A to point B; we'll probably end up taking all kinds of detours, and while most of it will be in chronological order, there might be also some flashback-focused parts.
> 
> 4\. Since I have no strict plan for this thing, I have ample space to add things so feel free to suggest anything and everything you would like to see! I honestly don't know how the story will unravel; I have no clue how Reiner and Bert will eventually get together. Suggestions will be welcomed greatly; I might not fulfill all of them but I will definitely consider them even if just for a short while.
> 
> 5\. I realize most of you will probably find all of the characters quite OOC but since this is an AU, I am taking some liberties; I hope you don't find it too much though and if you do, please let me know, this is my first time writing snk and those two!
> 
> 6\. It's been years since I've written a longer piece of fanfiction and this is my first time writing for snk and for Reiner/Bertholdt; I have a feeling I'm all kinds of rusty so encouragement, criticism will mean the world to me and they're basically the fuel to keep me going!
> 
> 7\. If there's anyone here who feels like chatting about snk, giving me ideas for this or talking over what I have in mind or anything, just send me a message, recent chapters are breaking my heart.


	2. Bertholdt needs a grand setup to fall in love. Reiner just needs food and a smile.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Bertholdt couldn't clearly pinpoint the moment he fell in love with Reiner, he could tell when he realized it. It was an eventful story, to say the least; although for all its exciting built-up, the finale was disappointingly tame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone who took their time to leave a comment or kudos: thank you so, so much, seriously, you guys are incredible, amazing, you have absolutely no idea how happy and inspired you made me! You're all beautiful people and now I'm just nervous about disappointing you but I'll do my best!
> 
> I wanted to respond to every comment; but I'm new to this site and Im not sure if its not a faux pas because, well, I am adding to the count of comments my fanfic gets. Can someone tell me how these things work here?
> 
> This chapter is a bit slower, a bit more descriptive but I hope you can enjoy it; I wanted to give some background on Bertholdt's and Reiner's lives and a bit of closure on how their relationship got to were it is now. Remember when I said that some chapters might focus on flashback? Obviously I meant the next chapter will be a flashback haha.

While Bertholdt couldn't clearly pinpoint the moment he fell in love with Reiner, he could tell when he realized it. It was an eventful story, to say the least; although for all its exciting built-up, the finale was disappointingly tame.

It all began just few months into their first year of university life, with loud, sharp knocks on their door at the ungodly hour of more or less 3 A.M. Bertholdt was the first to get up, clumsily stumbling through the short hallway, with his long legs dragging his bedsheets behind. He was fully intent on putting a stop to this awful noise and saving the world while Reiner just barely had the consciousness to lift his head from the pillow and blink around groggily.

He was literally expecting everything when he opened the door but Bertholdt still mustered enough coherency to feel surprised to see his friend, Armin, standing there with two vaguely familiar but mostly unknown kids (Mikasa and Eren? He saw them once at Armin's place; were those the correct names?). What was the weirdest, however, was that the trio looked just as surprised as he did.

Interestingly enough, it was the girl, supposedly named Mikasa, who broke the silence. "We're looking for Reiner Braun; he's supposed to live here." She said, not at all fazed by the fact she might've just woken up a basically stranger in the middle of the night.

"He does live here. He's my roommate." Bertholdt answered on reflex and as if on cue, there were heavy footsteps, a loud yawn and Reiner appeared next to him, looking far too sleepy to even process the idea of being surprised. "Eren? Mikasa? What're you guys doing here..." the sentence ended up in another yawn, which prompted Bertholdt to also yawn, albeit more discreetly and for a moment, the three kids looked like they were stifling yawns of their own as well. Chain reaction.

"Armin just got a call that his grandfather was found unconscious, apparently suffering from a stroke. He's in a hospital two hours away from here by car, both of our parents are away on the same business trip, there are no buses for the next hour and a half and the last train which would go there left at midnight." Mikasa recited, fast and efficient, one arm coming up to hug the blonde boy next to her protectively, a simple matter of placing her hand on his shoulder and yet Armin looked so much stronger already. "We need a car and preferably a driver."

Her eyes focused on Reiner and Bertholdt had a vague feeling she was ready to drive herself if need be (as he later discovered, it was an action much less drastic than he first thought, because at that time Mikasa was taking driving lessons and she was doing an excellent job, practically driving independently with the instructor at her side singing praises at her quick ability to learn). "Please... it's important!" Eren added, eyes burning, face twisted in raw determination and his emotional outburst seemed so loud in the otherwise empty hallway.

Armin averted his eyes, lips tightly pressed together, looking like he wanted to protest, to say it's fine, it's not necessary, he was sure it would be alright - except it wasn't fine, it was necessary and he wasn't sure at all.

The gravity of the situation seemed to effectively disrupt any sort of drowsiness Reiner might have been feeling because his gaze was now sharp and focused, jaw set. "Sure thing, kiddos; lucky for you I'm a driver and I happen to have a car as well. Give me five minutes and we'll be off." he said firmly and Bertholdt watched as relief simultaneously appeared on all three faces, some of the tension melting away in the face of Reiner's confident, strong voice. (Reiner's car, his most valued possession, was one of those small jeeps and apparently a gift from his father for being accepted to a university, his birthday, passing his driving test and possibly winning a rugby match, from what Bertholdt remembered. Reiner may or may not have been heard refer to the car as his 'baby', a fact he vehemently denied).

There was a moment when Bertholdt hovered uncertainly in the hallway, seemingly forgotten and unsure what to do; he was no driver and not even a car so he wasn't exactly needed anymore but a part of him wanted to stay with Armin and offer a quiet support, wanted to make sure everything turned out fine because he couldn't exactly go to sleep like that, knowing that somewhere out there a man was fighting for his life and his friend was fighting to be at his grandfather's side.

"Bert? Get dressed, if you wanna come, the toga style went out of fashion since the Roman Empire fell." Reiner's voice reached him from the bedroom and Bertholdt joined the circle of the relieved, grateful for the opportunity presented in such a natural way, as if his company was almost a given and not just the third wheel tagging along. He cared; he wanted to show he cared and even if there wasn't much he could do, he wanted to at least be there for one of the few friends he had.

The road trip was mostly silent, interrupted by Mikasa and Reiner and occasionally Eren or Armin discussing directions, which road to take, when to turn and otherwise important information on how to get there. There was also a moment when they discovered they all know each other through mutual connections (Reiner was a friend of Eren and Mikasa, having met them in a taekwondo dojo but he didn't know Armin, and Bertholdt knew Armin but not Eren and Mikasa and then Bertholdt and Reiner knew each other and were roommates) and they all shared a quiet, vague feeling of 'whoa, this world really is a small place' but it also made things a lot easier, despite how complicated the whole thing might seem.

They found the hospital easily enough and upon entering, Eren looked like he was ready to start tracking down the first white coat-wearing person and interrogating him for answers in an increasingly loud and emotional tone; Reiner physically restrained him via the simple gesture of grabbing the back of his shirt and dragging them all towards the nearest chairs, forcibly sitting them all, minus Bertholdt, down. "Stay here. I'll go, find out what's happening, bring someone with the answers to you and then we'll see. No one would treat you seriously, but unlike you all, I look like a an adult man and I'll get them to tell me everything they know." He said, confident as ever and when he straightened up to his full height, shoulders pulled slightly back to emphasize his rather buff and broad physique, Bertholdt had no doubt that anyone will tell him absolutely everything he would want to know.

And when faced with such competence, Bertholdt became more than ever starkly aware of his own incompetence. Here they were, both adults with three shaken kids on their hands and Reiner was doing everything, driving, comforting, helping while Bertholdt just floundered along, with some vague and unlikely hope that his silent but steady presence was also a comfort of its own. But it's not like Armin needed him there; he had Mikasa and Eren at his side, both obviously ready to storm the place for his sake and what meaning Bertholdt's genuine concern even had if there was no need for it-

"You stay here and keep an eye on them, make sure they don't move away from this spot. And if anyone tries to move you, just look down at them until they go away." Reiner was saying, his strong hand now resting on Bertholdt's shoulder, jolting him back from these sad, selfish thoughts (and how could he think of himself and pity himself at a time like this? God, he was an awful, awful human being). When he nodded mutely, he got a smile and a squeeze along with a quick. "Thank God you're here, this makes it so much easier."

And suddenly him being here had a purpose, his incompetence was gone just like that and Bertholdt felt needed and strong and motivated. He stayed guard all the time while Reiner was gone and had to resist the irrational urge to tell Eren to stop moving around when the boy started to fidget nervously.

In the end, this story had a happy conclusion. Armin's grandfather, as the doctor explained, suffered a mild stroke and his condition soon became stable; he would stay in the hospital for at least few days to make sure everything was alright  and then he would be released. They couldn't allow any visitors yet, perhaps tomorrow because there were still tests to be done to make sure he didn't suffer any brain damage - a highly unlikely scenario given the mild nature of the stroke - but they will be sure to get in touch should anything change or he will be deemed ready to receive visitors or be released.

Well, that effectively calmed down everyone and Armin cried a little, discreetly trying to hide his face, but no one commented on it and they all tactfully pretended it didn't happen and Reiner took them all to an early, early breakfast where they all ate stacks of pancakes and drunk coffee or cocoa before heading back to their respective homes, Reiner giving Mikasa and Eren his phone number and making them all swear next time they use it before going through half a city in the middle of a night.

The story didn't quite end here, however, because Eren, Mikasa and Armin felt now obliged to repay what Reiner and Bertholdt did for them, while the two men in question adamantly refused, with Bertholdt shamelessly pointing out Reiner was the one who deserved all the credit and he should get a reward first, at least (and he got the dirtiest look in return). Finally, after endless phonecalls, text messages, even visits in person, Reiner seemed to realize resistance is futile and he conceded defeat, saying if they all wanted to do something for him, they could just buy pizza for the next weekend because there's a game he is going to watch and he will need a snack or two. And Bertholdt can get half and then they will lay off his case or he will never help any human being ever again because it's just not worth all the pain afterwards.

> "Aren't you studying to be a doctor?"
> 
> "A vet and it seems like I'm destined for this job for a reason after all."

 The ultimatum was met with agreement on both sides.

And on Saturday, Bertholdt secretly met with the three conspirators and led them to a small pizza place where they made pizzas in all sizes and they all pitched in for two largest pizzas possible (Bertholdt managed to argue his point of paying his share, his main argument being 'Reiner will have my head if he finds out you three paid alone for this while I stood and watched').

It was worth it, though, just for the look on Reiner's face when they stumbled inside with the pizza boxes barely fitting in the doorway (held horizontally), laughing like a pack of hyenas at the ensuing accusations of 'You're going to make me lose my perfect physique' and threats that 'If I am to get fat, I won't go down on my own and God help me, you will all eat it with me or _else_.'

Halfway through the first box, they all agreed to call in reinforcements which turned out to be Jean and his current best friend (boyfriend in two-three weeks but they didn't know it at that time) Marco. It quickly became obvious Jean and Eren root for different teams and had nothing against proving it very loudly and with an increasing number of insults, attracting the attention of nearby predators (who turned out to be Reiner's most favourite and most feared teacher, doctor Hanji, Bertholdt's most brilliant lecturer, professor Levi who was also one of the shortest men Bertholdt ever met and it made him reflexively slump his shoulders when they passed, and Erwin, Eren's and Mikasa's P.E. teacher. Once again, the world became a much smaller place when it turned out they were close friends).

Erwin made a casual remark or five about why are there minors in a student's dorm and how he wonders if he should report this, while Hanji forcibly made herself some place between Eren and Reiner, squeezing the blonde man almost painfully between herself and the armrest of the couch and Levi discreetly used a tissue to wipe the seat of the chair heproceeded to sit on, previously occupied by Bertholdt who slid wordlessly onto the floor when professor Levi entered and was now willing his body to become shorter.

In the end, pizza turned out to be an effective bribe and the match was all but forgotten in favour of everyone discussing everything until Erwin deemed they overstayed their welcome and gathered all the guests, including his students plus Armin, remarking he hopes to see them in such high spirits first thing Monday morning on the P.E. class.

There was still one half of the giant pizza left and Bertholdt had a feeling he and Reiner will have to live up to the reputation of poor students, forever in need of food and money, and actually consume it all for breakfast and dinner tomorrow. Afterwards, he will never look at cheese again and judging from the sprawled position Reiner occupied on the now empty couch, along with quiet groans whenever he shifted, his roommate shared his sentiments exactly. (he was right; via a silent mutual agreement, no cheese appeared in their shared kitchen for two weeks).

Somewhere, somehow along this whole messy ordeal, Bertholdt had to fall in love with this man - but he'd be damned if he could tell which moment was the crucial one. Maybe all of them were; nevertheless, the realization didn't sink in until the very next morning, when he woke up earlier and made his way to the kitchen to grab something to eat, drink and spend a perfectly lazy morning in bed, reading and doing anything he wanted because it was Sunday and he deserved it.

But it still wasn't until his gaze went to Reiner's favourite mug, now dirty from the leftover cocoa he liked so much, with Garfield's obnoxious face smirking back at him and Bertholdt found himself grinning back goofily, something warm bursting inside his chest and spreading all over his body, gentle and soft, as he was thinking 'God, but I love him' when he recalled Reiner, still sleeping and snoring lightly in the other room. And then, then he froze and thought that 'Waitasec, I actually really, really mean it, I do love Reiner-'

\- and it was at this precise moment that Bertholdt realized he was in love.

Of course, that didn't mean he would do something about it - at least not until much, much later.

For now, he washed the mug, made some fresh hot cocoa and reheated a second plate of pizza (love or not, he was going to make sure Reiner eats his share because if Bertholdt had to suffer then so should he, they both shared the blame anyway) and then, balancing it all on his long forearms and in his hands, he made his way back to the bedroom where Reiner was, predictably, already sitting up and blinking sleepily around. (And somehow, it wasn't weird at all that Bertholdt knew his sleeping habits enough to be able to tell what time Reiner usually wakes up at and how he subconsciously noticed when his snores stopped).

Bertholdt pushed the plate into his hands, set the mug on the small nightstand and smiled at the confused, sleepy look, squinted eyes and all, that he got in return.

"Eat up." he informed his friend and the newly discovered love of his life. "Plenty more where that came from."

~~~

Reiner could pinpoint both when he fell in love with Bertholdt and when he realized it, since it happened at the same time anyway.

It was when Bertholdt brought him breakfast to bed one sunny Sunday morning, smelling wonderfully of hot cocoa and warm food and smiling happily, as if there was nothing better in the world than to surprise Reiner like this, make his morning, his whole day with a simple, natural gesture of affection.

And just a week later he saw Bertholdt blushing and nervous, sharing a breakfast with a pretty blonde girl in a nearby cafe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I know it wasn't very exciting but I hope you still enjoyed it; again, please take your time to leave a comment or kudos, it really, really helps to get me motivated to write more!
> 
> 2\. If anyone has any suggestions about what they want to see here or ideas or even requests they want to see, please write them in a comment; I'm not promising to fulfill all of them but I'll definitely take them all into consideration and probably use some of them!
> 
> 3\. Seriously, can someone tell me if it's a faux pas to reply to each comment? I want to thank everyone who commented personally, I really do, I just don't want to make myself seem like I'm trying to give my fic more comments or anything.


	3. Brace yourselves, Christmas is coming.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reiner discovers the Fubar Clan is full of interesting individuals. Bertholdt discovers Reiner fits right in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are amazing and incredible and beautiful, each and every one of you who read, left a comment or a kudos! Thank you!
> 
> This chapter is about as long as the previous two combined together; but that doesn't mean it's going to be a norm from now on. I honestly don't look at word count, I just write until I'm done. Also, this chapter begins the so called Christmas Saga where we ignore the fact actual Christmas is still few months away and try to get into the Christmas Spirit! Honestly, I think it's just an excuse to write about Bertholdt's family, I had so much fun with that.
> 
> I forgot to add this in previous chapters but I obviously own no rights to any SnK characters or the SnK series itself. This applies to every chapter of this story.

The turning moment came a day before Christmas break.

"Wait, you're planning to stay here for the whole Christmas break?" Bertholdt asked incredulously; it's not that there was anything wrong with staying at the dorm during the Christmas break or any other holidays (actually, just over a month ago, both Bertholdt and Reiner stayed there for Thanksgiving, even splurging out for a real turkey dinner and Reiner made those silly Thanksgiving hats from paper, or well, made hats from paper, that they wore and later Bertholdt joined his family for dinner via the amazing invention of webcam and Skype) but well, Christmas was different. For one thing, the break was longer; and it just seemed like a more family tradition. He always spent his Christmases with his family and honestly, Bertholdt couldn't fathom doing it in any other way.

"Yeah." Reiner said casually, making a dismissive motion with his hand, brows furrowed as he debated if the chicken he was frying was ready before adding the vegetables he painstakingly chopped into tiny pieces just a moment earlier. "I have everything I need here and anyway, I can focus better, you know? I'll probably get some work done in advance and then enjoy my free time while everyone else works because they procrastinated for the whole break."

It's not like everyone went away for Christmas; but those who stayed were mostly international students whose families were simply too far away to make the trip worthwhile, both in terms of money and time. And Reiner wasn't an international student; Bertholdt had no clue where exactly he lived but he got to the University by car so it couldn't be too far away. And he was American, he knew that much at least.

Bertholdt acknowledged that not everyone shared his views on the importance of spending Christmas with your family and that was perfectly fine. Reiner didn't seem too bothered, whistling one tune or another as he stirred his dinner. But... there was just something wrong with the whole picture. There was just something really, really wrong when Bertholdt imagined Reiner - loud, social, outgoing Reiner - sitting alone in his room, in an almost empty dorm, near an almost empty campus, for days and days, for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and then New Year's. Come to think of it, Reiner didn't go home for Christmas break last year as well, from what Bertholdt remembered; for sure he was there when Bertholdt left and he was there when Bertholdt returned.

The temptation to stay at the dorm as well suddenly became quite strong.

It wasn't even the desire to spend time with Reiner; sure, he often wanted to spend time in Reiner's company, even if they were both just focused on their own things, but he was also perfectly content to part for few days while they both enjoyed Christmas at their respective homes. He just... didn't want Reiner to be alone on those days, even if the man in question didn't seem to mind.

But Bertholdt couldn't imagine anyone spending Christmas away from his family.

The logical conclusion as well as the solution to the whole dilemma was simple.

"Come home with me." he blurted out and became a bit flustered at the confused gaze he received in reply. "I mean, come to my home for Christmas. If you want to. And if you really have nothing better to do."

Hesitation and uncertainty were written all over Reiner's face and it was such a rare sight that Bertholdt immediately took notice of it. "I wouldn't want to impose..." Reiner began and it was Bertholdt's turn to wave his hand dismissively, cutting him off (although his gesture seemed somehow more jerky and awkward than Reiner's).

"You won't, I swear. Almost my whole family always comes over for Christmas, and I mean almost my _whole_ family. There's people everywhere, probably most of the time no one will even notice there's an extra person this year, really. If anything, they'll be glad for an extra pair of hands." He assured his friend, smiling a shy, honest smile. He wasn't exaggerating either. "And maybe I'll have an excuse to not work too much this year, you know, making the guest feel welcome and all... Since I'm the tallest, they always make me hang the Christmas lights on our house and the trees."

"What, and here I thought you height was genetic and your whole family was full of some colossal titans or something." Reiner snorted and smiled back at Bertholdt, turning off the heat under the frying pan. "So, I'm supposed to be an excuse for you to laze around, huh? Well, I make no promises on that one but if you're absolutely certain it's fine..."

"It's fine, it's fine!" Bertholdt hurriedly assured him and really, that was mostly that. Reiner was coming home with him for Christmas and when he processed all the possibilities (that he would never dare to act on), all the chances (he would never use), all the implications (that only he would probably realize), he felt pleasant fluttering in his abdomen; and it wasn't because he had any hopes or expectations of something more actually happening but he was simply looking forward to spending more time with Reiner during a family time like that, to become even closer friends and most importantly of all, to do something nice for his closest friend.

Reiner made him call his home to make sure it was perfectly fine for him to come along (and Bertholdt's parents seemed a lot more excited about the fact they wouldn't have to pick him up this year than at the incoming guest; and while Bertholdt understood in this busy season every minute was priceless, he found all that cheering unnecessary).

And that's precisely how two days later, they were on the road, heading for Bertholdt's home (a trip worth roughly five hours of driving), casually talking about everything, just like all friends do, with Reiner muttering something like 'I really should bring a gift' each time they passed a shop and Bertholdt patiently telling him that 'You're bringing yourself and believe me, nothing will make my family happier on Christmas than extra manpower.'

It wasn't, however, until they were just few minutes away from his home that Bertholdt realized what a grave mistake he just made. "Uh, I don't think I've mentioned it before but I really, really need to stress that my family can be a bit overwhelming. And they have a great advantage in numbers because seriously, everyone comes over to our place for Christmas. Don't let them push you around, alright?"

Reiner snorted - either at the thought of someone actually managing to push him around or at the idea Bertholdt's relatives could be such a force, or possibly at both. "Don't worry, I'm pretty sure I can manage. How big is your family, anyway?"

"Huge?" Bertholdt guessed; and really, compared to what he had seen so far, his family really was big. "I mean, don't worry about everyone since most of them will be busy catching up among themselves; usually it's me, my parents and my two younger siblings - Connie, he's five years younger than me, and Hannah, she's only six years old. But for Christmas, my three uncles and two aunts come over along with their husbands and wives and some of them bring kids and some of their kids bring kids; not all, obviously, but yea, it gets pretty crowded."

"Whoa." And good, Reiner actually sounded a bit impressed and a bit 'what the hell have I got myself into' which is exactly how one should feel when faced with the Fubar Clan on Christmas, if one wanted to survive the whole ordeal. Bertholdt felt his palms become cold and clammy at the thought of bringing Reiner into all this and at what Reiner might think of him; he didn't want to change roommates in the middle of the year and seriously, this is why he should never act on a whim and actually properly consider every course of action.

"Anyone I should watch out for in particular?" Reiner was asking and they were really close now and there wasn't much time for warnings but... "Well, except my siblings and my parents, I don't think so... Well, maybe Aunt Claire; she's the oldest and she's always curious about any newcomers." More accurate term would be 'fresh meat' but Bertholdt would never use 'meat' to refer to Reiner because he was fairly certain if he did, he would be also forced to commit seppuku if he wouldn't sweat to death from the burning embarrassment he was sure to feel.

"So, you're the oldest brother then? I thought you'd be the younger brother who just happened to be the tallest. Which house was it again?" He was actually, he had one older brother, Berik, but no one in his family talked about Berik anymore.

"The big, brown one on the right; yea, right here." He said instead, choosing to simply disregard the brother comment, perfectly excused by the fact they've reached their destination. The house was deceptively quiet; and Bertholdt braced himself for the impact as they made the short journey from the car to the doorway and he opened the door, calling out a simple "I'm home!"

Predictably, there was a sound of rushing footsteps and people started to pour into the hallway from all directions (actually, only from the kitchen, the living room and upstairs), led by his mother and the mere sight of all these familiar, loved faces brought a smile to Bertholdt's face. There was a brief moment of confusion when Bertholdt was hugged by everyone, people pushing and crowding in the narrow hall instead of doing the reasonable thing and stepping back to let him in. Bertholdt was also relieved to see that not everyone arrived yet for Christmas; so far, except for his family, there was only uncle Ben and his wife Lucy, and of course, Aunt Claire.

It took a while for everyone to quiet down, especially when his mother started lamenting that 'You grew again, Bertie, I told you to stop growing already!' but once there was some resemblance of order, Bertholdt finally had the chance to pull Reiner forward (his friend tactfully stepped back to allow Bertholdt's family to greet their wayward son) and then he could finally close the door and introduce him. "This is Reiner Braun, my friend and my roommate; I invited him here for Christmas."

Reiner barely managed to apologize for intruding on such a family occasion before everyone started speaking at once all over again, assuring him that it was their pleasure to have him here and no, no problem at all, the more the merrier, it is Christmas after all. Bertholdt was then promptly informed if he thought that Reiner would be his excuse to slack off, he was sadly mistaken but Reiner should just relax, enjoy himself and make himself at home. And of course, at this Reiner felt obliged to point out he was 'no freeloader' and he would help out as well whenever he could and Bertholdt's family, feeling they fulfilled the social obligation of common courtesy of making the guest feel welcome, gleefully told him they would take him up on the offer because there was always something to be done and he looked like a very, very capable young man.

" _Very_ capable." His 70-something year old aunt emphasized, pushing herself forward to look up at Reiner's impressive figure. She reached out, placed a hand on his chest and pressed firmly before moving it to his bicep and downright _squeezing_ along with an impressed, quiet whistle, as if she was a potential buyer feeling up cattle or horses at the market. "I can feel all the work that went into these babies; oh, we will make good use of them, don't you worry." She shot Reiner an impish look and Reiner chuckled nervously. "Glad you think so, ma'am, I'll try my best not to disappoint."

Bertholdt discreetly checked his watch. Barely 20 minutes passed and Reiner was already groped by his 70-something aunt, who, coincidentally, also got further with him in those few minutes than Bertholdt had in a year.

Christmas break was off to a promising start, no doubt.

After all the introductions and greetings were done, Bertholdt and Reiner were given exactly one hour to take showers and get settled in Bertholdt's room (with so many guests coming over, it was already an ordeal to find sleeping places for them all; most brought a mattress with them and Reiner got the privilege of using one of the very few mattresses available in the house, now sprawled right next to Bertholdt's bed) and then they were expected to come down to the kitchen to start the Annual Fubar Family Meeting concerning Operation: Christmas Preparations, where duties and responsibilities will be assigned to every human in the building and where failing to follow orders would result in revoking your right to ask for seconds of any dish.

Needless to say, it was Serious Business and Bertholdt learned from experience it was better to attend the meeting or you'll become the scapegoat who gets the worst chores. Bertholdt was a man who learned from past mistakes and so he made sure to bring Reiner to the kitchen right on time, scavenging the fridge to make quick sandwiches for them both (ham and extra cheese, topped with ketchup, for Reiner and he didn't even bother thinking just when he memorized Reiner's favourite type of sandwich and simple cheese and tomatoes for himself) as the family members started to gather around the big, round table.

"Thanks." Reiner said gratefully when Bertholdt handed him the plate, looking oddly fascinated and not uncomfortable at all, given how his first meeting went just few moments ago.

The meeting went mostly as Bertholdt expected; he was given the task of putting up the Christmas lights and decorations outside (and was told to do it today); Reiner, his father and Connie were assigned to bring 'all the necessary crap' from the basement and move the furniture in the living room to prepare for the Christmas tree, and then move the furniture around in the guest room and Connie's room to prepare for the family arriving tomorrow. The Christmas tree, traditionally ample and heavy, was to be bought and brought tomorrow and Bertholdt, Reiner, his father and, by her own insistence, Aunt Claire were assigned to the task while others stayed home, cleaned and greeted the guests. Then, Christmas Eve was to be spent on cooking and finishing up any other thing that had to be done before Christmas, with everyone participating, and that should be sufficient for this year.

Everyone agreed, his father and uncle Ben along with Lucy already conspiring what to dump on the unsuspecting family who had the misfortune of arriving after the meeting before Bertholdt's mother chased them all out to get down to work so that uncle Ben could make dinner they will eat only once they're done with their respective duties.

Bertholdt watched as his dad ushered his friend away towards the basement, with Connie running along and he just hoped Reiner remembered his advice to not let other push him around.

He dutifully got dressed and went outside to wait for someone to start bringing out the outdoor decorations; and when he saw Reiner bringing the boxes outside three times in a row, he got the sinking suspicion he didn't remember his advice after all or just didn't bother to follow it. Expecting the worst, he went back home and was not disappointed; his father was lying on the sofa, on the stomach with his hand resting on his lower back, obviously feigning back pain and ruining the effort by grinning smugly for everyone to see and Reiner was the one doing all the work, with Connie running alongside him, carrying the smaller stuff but mostly being awestruck and all 'are these for real?' whenever he pointed at Reiner's biceps, with Reiner saying something suspiciously like 'This is nothing, you should see what I can really do with these', all bragging and pleased. And aunt Claire was seated in an armchair, moved especially to give her the best view of his friend working, looking suspiciously like a cat who just got the cream and making appreciative noises and whistles.

Bertholdt refused to allow this travesty to continue.

He scolded his father for faking, gave a small speech about the exploitation of labour and why it was wrong, got told that this was the Fubar home and the law of the jungle was the only one that applied here, threatened to rat out to mom on his dad slacking off, got called a traitor, with Reiner pointing out that he really didn't mind and it felt good to earn his share of dinner. The rest of the family jumped on those words like hawks, saying if Reiner didn't mind and it felt good, why should Bertholdt complain? and it was then  that Bertholdt gave up, figuring Reiner would have to learn from his own mistakes and it was best to start early.

When he came back an hour later, finally done with the tacky outdoor Christmas decorations (with his tailbone bruised because Bertholdt might be tall but he still needed a ladder to reach the roof), he saw Reiner trying to bench-press Connie while his father, aunt Claire and even his mother cheered him on.

At this point, Bertholdt lost all faith in humanity and started to wonder when did the quote 'abandon all hope ye who enter here' became so accurate when it came to his life.

In the end Reiner managed to painstakingly bench-press Connie once and he claimed he could keep going if it wasn't for the workout earlier. Bertholdt's faith in humanity was just slightly restored when his father exclaimed Reiner worked for them three here so he and Connie alone will handle moving the furniture around.

"You sure know how to pick'em." Aunt Claire remarked to Bertholdt quietly who may or may not have been eyeing Reiner's slightly sweaty form, especially when he turned around to go and get a glass of water from the kitchen. "You could bounce pennies off that ass."

Bertholdt was curiously torn between agreeing and asking his aunt to stop, please.

But then aunt Claire gave him a look which could only be interpreted as 'why are you not tapping that yet, stupid nephew' and his face went into the shades of red no human reached before. "If you have a drop of my blood in you, you will snatch him up soon and not let go unless he grows a beer belly." Aunt Claire firmly proclaimed, slapped him on the back and marched to the kitchen as well, either to check up on dinner or on Reiner or both while Bertholdt was left standing, sweaty, confused, red and trying to get back to having a resemblance of control because _how did she know, Annie was the only one with the big nose full of secrets!_

 The rest of the day went by in a similar loud, tiring fashion and in the end, after dinner, Bertholdt and Reiner also helped out in moving stuff around and the evening was spent in the living room, with everyone using their well-deserved rest to chat amiably. Bertholdt was repeatedly asked about his studies and life away from home and if he's been taking care of himself; Reiner was downright bombarded with questions about his own studies ('I wanna be a vet too!' Hannah proclaimed loudly when she heard his future job concerned helping out cute puppies and kitties, prompting an amused chuckle from all the adults because how many kids want to be vets before they grew up and realized what's it really all about?), his life at the dorm and whether Bertholdt is taking care of himself and if he wasn't, could Reiner make sure he does? (Here aunt Claire threw in a comment about Bertholdt being safe in such strong, skilled hands but thankfully Reiner didn't hear it because Connie, bless him, chose that moment to ask for tips about working out. He was short and scrawny and if he couldn't have the height, he at least wanted the bulk and Bertholdt had a suspicion there might be a girl involved from the way his parents were giving each other knowing glances behind Connie's back).

It was only when everyone retreated to their bedrooms and they were both in Bertholdt's room, lying in the darkness and ready to go to sleep, that Bertholdt had a chance to say "I'm sorry for my family, they can be really overwhelming; you don't need to indulge their every whim, just say no."

"Are you joking? They're awesome; I never realized Christmas could possibly require this much effort." Reiner chuckled from the floor right next to Bertholdt's head. He could see the outline of Reiner's smiling face, slightly crooked nose and all, from his spot on the bed. It was much closer than their room at the dorm. He could get used to this. "Well, as long as you're having fun... Oh yea; if you want to call your family, you can use our phone. And if you want to go on Skype or something during Christmas, you can use the computer, just say so, no one will mind if you leave for a while." He added, remembering his own Thanksgiving and how his father resorted to witchcraft and all spare cables in the house to bring the webcam all the way downstairs to the living room to the dining table just so Bertholdt could join them for the Thanksgiving dinner.

"Nah, I don't need to call." Reiner answered simply, rolling onto his side and then his stomach, the way he usually fell asleep. Bertholdt waited, patiently, for a follow-up; but minutes passed and there was nothing but silence, finally broken by a quiet and sleepy 'G'night', followed by sounds of deep, steady breathing.

Bertholdt had an uneasy feeling there was something off; he could understand there were various reasons for not going home for holidays, he could understand not everyone saw Christmas as an important family tradition but Reiner's answer, given without any explanation, no 'everyone's on a trip' or 'we don't celebrate Christmas', combined with the fact Bertholdt couldn't remember Reiner talking about his family, ever - it all pointed out that there was something wrong. And maybe it was just his studies getting to him but Bertholdt's job was based on the ability to spot all these little details, combine them together to form a solid case and then draw proper conclusions and strategies on how to proceed.

Maybe it was Reiner just being sleepy - with the five hour drive since early morning and all the work today, he had to be pretty tired - but Bertholdt decided to tackle the issue in a way it would make his mentors proud, that is by following the 'guilty until proven innocent' rule (yes, he knew that the actual rule was the other way round but that one applied to defense lawyers and he was a prosecutor, it was his job to believe people were guilty), presenting sound evidence supporting his claim (refusal to call his home on Christmas, avoidance of talking about family) and awaiting the defense's response before giving the verdict. As far as he was concerned, Reiner's behaviour so far pointed that there was more to his family life and while Bertholdt would keep it in mind, he wouldn't draw any hasty conclusions before gaining more information.

Oh God, he was actually treating his friend like a court case. University life ruined him.

Bertholdt told himself firmly to stop thinking about it, assume Reiner was just sleepy instead of overanalyzing one, simple sentence and go to sleep.

Still, it was a bit unfair; Reiner was here, in Bertholdt's room, in his house, meeting his whole family while apparently not having the courtesy to say anything about his own.

And Bertholdt didn't mean he should spill his entire family history here and now; no, he understood that all families had their less pleasant topics, he understood all families had problems. His family, for all its laughter, had problems; it wasn't easy to support three and then four kids along with elderly parents (who died just last year, let them rest in peace) even on two paychecks and his parents often struggled to make ends meet at the end of the month, back when Bertholdt was still a kid who didn't understand fully how the world worked. He often had to accept that he would need to wear Berik's old clothes and he couldn't get all the gadgets and toys his peers bragged about; he accepted the fact he would come back to an empty house and he would have to pick Connie up from the kindergarten when no one else was available and he couldn't go on school trips every year. His both parents got a raise eventually and things started to look up but Bertholdt still remembered the times before.

And then, then there was Berik. The oldest child and Bertholdt's only older sibling. Berik, who was such a cool brother, who looked after them all until he gradually stopped in favour of spending more time outside, skipping school to hang out with his new friends and finally, arrested at the age of 16 for selling drugs to highschoolers. Bertholdt remembered how his mother cried, claiming it wasn't Berik's fault, he was made to do it, he got into the wrong crowd and it wasn't his fault, how his father would walk around the house silent and stormy for days, weeks, and how Bertholdt also believed that Berik, good, big brother Berik, was innocent and just no one except their family could see that (and maybe it was at that point that he decided he would become a defense lawyer to stand up for all the big brothers in the world who couldn't do it on their own).

Being a minor, Berik didn't go to jail; but he was sent to an institution for two years, after it was discovered that next to a drug dealer he was also a drug addict. He would spend two years getting over his addiction and then he would be released.

Two years later, Berik returned, indeed; thinner, scrawnier but still more or less the same. He stayed home for a week before taking out all the silverware and disappearing again, never to return so far.

His parents changed the locks and no one spoke of him ever since then. (Bertholdt's collage fees were partly paid with the money originally set aside for Berik's education).

So yes, Bertholdt knew there were things you didn't, couldn't talk about with others, even with friends. But he just wanted something; a glimpse into Reiner's life, or at least that part of it he obviously didn't let anyone see.

Staring at the sprawled form of his friend, barely visible in the darkness, Bertholdt thought that maybe, for all his sociable and outgoing personality, between the two of them, Reiner was actually the one who kept his distance from people.

And then he promptly fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Christmas Saga will span for around 2 more chapters, probably; and there might be an extra New Year's chapter too. I seriously hope no one will get fed up with this story when it takes them a while to get together, I'm just enjoying this so, so much.
> 
> Please, send me any suggestions/requests via comments or messages; especially concerning how they would get together, cause, as embarrassing as it is, I still have no interesting idea for that turning point in the story. Any ideas appreciated!


	4. Peeling potatoes was an Olympic discipline in the Fubar household.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reiner invents a new word to describe their relationship and Bertholdt doesn't object.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late update, I swear I have a good reason: I moved to another country for my studies so you know, getting settled in, new environment, preparing for starting my uni... Speaking of which since my studies are starting, expect updates to be slower. 
> 
> You guys will hate this chapter, I promise you. It's kind of pretty much a filler because I didn't want to just jump straight into Christmas.

The next day, commonly known as The Christmas Tree Day in the Fubar household, arrived in the form of Connie slamming open the door to Bertholdt's bedroom.

The sudden loud noise effectively made Bertholdt jolt up and he rolled to the side, scrambling to sit up from his _perfectly_ comfortable position: legs bent and sprawled on his bed, with his torso twisted around so that his upper half could slide off the bed and rest on Reiner's back where, as he just noticed with growing horror, he had been _drooling_ , leaving behind a small wet stain on Reiner's shirt as evidence.

Reiner, bless his heavy sleeper nature, was still oblivious to being drooled on, all the coherence his current mind could muster wasted on making displeased, sleepy noises of a person whose pleasant dream was interrupted in the most vile and barbaric fashion imaginable.

Connie didn't seem particularly bothered by Bertholdt's weird sleeping position or the fact he just became the public enemy number one, as far as Bertholdt and Reiner were concerned. "Dad says you'll be going to get the tree soon and you might wanna take a shower and eat before that." He announced, lingering for a while to look at Reiner and Bertholdt who were gradually reaching the stage of 'awake' and, apparently coming to a conclusion they wouldn't be fun company just yet, he left, closing the door behind him.

About an hour later, when they were both refreshed and dressed and just finished breakfast (Bertholdt insisted he should cook but Reiner, still not entirely having recovered from the sudden awakening, told him to get bent and made bacon while Bertholdt handled the eggs. The combined result was delicious and Bertholdt heard a voice in his head, sounding suspiciously like his aunt, telling him that 'Reiner sure knows how to handle his meat' and he died a little on the inside).

His father cornered them a while later, hoarding both men into his car where his aunt was already waiting; she wasted no time, pushing Bertholdt inside so that he sat first, then getting Reiner in before finally taking her seat, so that the three of them were pressed tightly together because the car was pretty big but it was still a family car and both Bertholdt and Reiner took up a fair amount of space.

Well. The more accurate term for their situation would be that both Bert and his aunt were pressed tightly against Reiner and Bertholdt both blessed and hated his family right at this moment.

"Everyone ready and comfortable?" His father asked, pointedly glancing at the empty seat beside him. "We're good." Aunt Claire replied with a pleased smile. His dad hesitated as he glanced at Reiner but gave up, figuring if he got Reiner to switch seat, auntie would probably either insist to take his lap or breathe down his neck for the rest of the journey. "Alright then; expedition Christmas Tree is a go!"

Buying Christmas trees used to be a real adventure when he was a child. Now it was mainly a pain. They always bought it in the same place, where trees grew so you had to chop it down yourself (it would be probably better for everyone, nature included, if they just got a plastic tree but his parents didn't believe in plastic tree and Bertholdt had to admit, Christmas wouldn't be the same without the soft smell of pine trees and if the pine tree didn't slowly wither and lose its needles, they'd probably never put it away).

Picking the tree took them a while; his father and aunt (who was his father's sister) bickered about it quite passionately, each competing to find the best Christmas tree ever. Bertholdt only got involved when he thought it was necessary, saying things like 'I don't think it will fit in our house' or 'This one definitely won't fit in our house' and while they were busy talking, Reiner went and did the job, finding the most perfect tree ever; lush, with reasonable height, strong and healthy and dark green.

Aunt Claire praised him for having 'a good eye for wood' and the two younger men were assigned to holding it while his father, the only experienced with an axe here, chopped away. Auntie, having nothing really to do, quickly found the young and relatively handsome son of the owner of the lot and started downright flirting with him, while assuring him that the 'baldening man with the terrible stamina isn't my boyfriend, he's just a brother, I've always liked younger men...' with the said younger man looking uncomfortable but unwilling to say anything against the customer (which his aunt seemed to realize and shamelessly took advantage of).

 "Your aunt is a fearsome lady." Reiner murmured to Bertholdt as his father paused yet again to yell something like 'I'm not going bald, my head is just growing!'

"She doesn't mean it; she just likes to mess with people who expect all ladies her age to be nice and gentle and spend their lives baking cookies for her grandkids." Bertholdt explained and Reiner glanced at him just a hint doubtful. "Well, I think she doesn't mean it most of the time." he amended.

Thanks to Reiner, hauling the whole thing onto the car took less effort and more carrying than dragging than usual. Reiner, smart man that he was, this time called dibs on riding shotgun and Bertholdt made sure to get the seat behind him and then they were all reminding his dad to watch out for the tree and trying to figure out how to get out because more people were coming, all three passengers saying their suggestions, most of them contradictory, with his father trying to outyell them all, saying they should just all 'let him drive for Christ's sake!'

Bertholdt and Reiner both had matching hands, full of little red spots, a memento after holding the tree which had billions of tiny, sharp needles, and when they came back, they discovered that in their absence, new guests arrived - two aunts, one uncle, along with a young married couple and a five year-old girl, and after brief introductions, Reiner and Bertholdt were intercepted by his mother who assigned them to the kitchen this time, pointing to a large pot of potatoes and telling them to "Peel, for God's sake, peel like you're going for the Olympics!"

Aunt Claire was momentarily distracted by the new arrivals and good, Bertholdt and Reiner had some peace and quiet in the kitchen while the living room became the main base for operation.

Not that it lasted for long, mind you.

Bertholdt was just leisurely telling some of the funnier family stories to help Reiner remember all the names (not that he'd need it, most probably) when the disaster struck. After aunt Claire, he honestly thought that he was ready for all embarrassing and uncomfortable moments his family had to offer but oh boy, was he wrong. Never underestimate the Fubars, as the saying goes.

This time, the tragedy came in the deceptively innocent form of his little sister who brought the younger girl, Mina, along. "And this," she said, obviously playing the role of the proper host and guide, "this is my older brother, Bertholdt and his boyfriend, Reiner."

Bertholdt went utterly still, half-convinced he just misheard but from the bewildered expression on Reiner's face, it seemed that he was, sadly correct. "What - why would you think that? Who told you?" he sputtered defensively because wait, did she even know about homosexuality just yet (Bertholdt was all for educating kids earlier, teaching them how to be tolerant from the early stage but wasn't she too young to know what boyfriend even meant, what dating meant?) and if she knew, how would she know about him? Was it aunt Claire? But auntie wouldn't talk to a child about such subjects nor would she use the girl to embarrass him like that! Oh God, did he become so transparent even little kids knew what was up and Reiner had to know too, he was just being polite and tactful about it-

Hannah gave him a pitiful look. "Everyone knows that."

What? Everyone? What did she mean by everyone? He threw a panicked glance at Reiner, torn between continuing the interrogation and assuring his friend that it wasn't like that and Bertholdt was so, so, sorry, could they still be friends?

But Reiner didn't seem angry or embarrassed; if anything his expression was roughly the same as Bertholdt's, surprise mixed with horror and a slight pink tinge to his cheeks.

"How do you even know that word!" Bertholdt finally said, in an attempt to reprimand his sister and hopefully pretend it never happened.

"I heard it on tv. You're a boy and Reiner's a boy and you're friends. You're boyfriends." Hannah said smartly, all slow and patient as if Bertholdt was the stupid one here and Bertholdt felt relief so intense for a moment he forgot what was going on. "Wait, so..." He should have a talk with his parents about what Hannah watched. "So... Mina is your girlfriend?"

Hannah nodded, slowly, to make sure her idiot brother understood. "Well, she's a girl and she's my friend. Girlfriend!"

"That's... that's not...." Bertholdt groaned, already imagining how many people heard from Hannah that Reiner was his boyfriend and got the embarrassingly wrong impression. He considered letting Hannah believe what she did, for the sake of embarrassing childhood stories but that would mean he'd have to allow the boyfriend thing to continue as well and how do you even explain to a six year-old what a boyfriend is especially in front of your crush?

It was Reiner who took the lead at this moment, obviously having recovered from the shock of finding out he was dating his roommate as far as everyone was concerned. "Thats seems like sound logic to me." He nodded wisely and Hannah looked upon him more benevolently, obviously deciding if Reiner was agreeing with her, that alone made him smarter than Bertholdt. "But you made a tiny, tiiiiiny mistake."

Hannah's expression turned doubtful. "Like?"

"We're not boys anymore." Reiner declared proudly, straightening up from peeling the potatoes and puffing out his chest. "We're men."

Hannah seemed to consider it and slowly, she seemed to unwillingly accept making an error. "So you're menfriends?" she asked after a moment and Reiner nodded. "Yes. We're menfriends."

Bertholdt pressed his lips together to stop himself from chuckling nervously because his mind just went through every stupid song about being men and being friends he heard and only once Hannah left (after getting herself and Mina a glass of juice) he felt confident enough to chuckle quietly, shaking his head at Reiner who went back to peeling for the Olympics. "She's gonna tell everyone now, you know."

"Yea. How's that for a future family story?"

Not bad, Bertholdt thought with a smile, dropping his gaze onto the potato in his hand. The ordeal reminded him of that one time his father and uncle Ben tried to build a treehouse in the name of manly friendship and the friendship part was really short-lived (the manly even shorter-lived) when they discovered a hornet's nest on the very tree they wanted to build on.

They peeled well into late evening (granted, none of them was particularly skilled at the whole thing, peeling potatoes was too time-consuming to do at the dorm most of the time), their fingers sore and red and when they finally emerged from the kitchen, throwing matching disgusted looks at the sight of the rest of the family sprawled comfortably on the sofa and armchairs in the living room (and Bertholdt was sure that only his position of a guest stopped Reiner from showing his dad the finger when they were asked to bring him something to drink since they were up and all, and maybe a sandwich) and they both excused themselves to go to sleep, pointing out it was the big day tomorrow, Christmas and all.

There was a certain sense of satisfaction in seeing his family look sheepish as they started to mumble something about actually being sleepy and how it was time for bed after all.

This time, when Bertholdt left the shower, Reiner was already in his bed, fast asleep so there was no chance for any nightly chats - just as well, really, the only nightly chat they had here so far wasn't exactly uplifting, at least for Bertholdt.

He carefully stepped over Reiner's sleeping form, intending to quietly slip into his own bed and pray he didn't wake up drooling all over his crush yet again, when a sudden realization made him pause, in the most awkward position possible, with his legs on both side on Reiner's mattress.

Reiner almost never got sick. When the great majority of the student population succumbed to colds, flues, coughing, sniveling, sneezing, releasing germs and body fluids everywhere - Reiner remained unaffected, standing tall, proud and healthy, much to the envy of everyone around him (he also scored brownie points like no other, borrowing his notes, taking extra handouts and basically taking care of everything for everyone; basically, almost the whole year owned him a favour or two by now). But for all his extraordinary health and immunity system, he did suffer from a slight condition as well; namely, he had poor blood circulation, especially in his hands and feet.  While most of his body remained warm most of the time, his hands and feet could get cold even in the middle of the summer, much to Bertholdt's bewilderment, because he was the kind of a person who reacted with profuse sweating to temperatures slightly above the average.

At first, this was a point of a disagreement between them as roommates; Reiner constantly kept turning up the heating, Bertholdt kept turning it down and so they continued in their silent warfare until Reiner bought himself a heating pad, figuring this was easier than for Bertholdt to get ice into his bed. The heating pad proved to be useful anyway because on the coldest winter nights, even their heating turned up to the max wouldn't have cut it for Reiner. It's not that it was dangerous or anything, thankfully; it was just annoying and uncomfortable and Reiner couldn't apparently fall asleep until he was warm and cozy (a sentiment Bertholdt shared). And his habit of drinking hot cocoa at all times, day or night, was often more than his personal taste but also a way to warm up.

Well, he seemed asleep now so apparently heat wasn't a problem but... Bertholdt carefully stepped away from the bed and went to his wardrobe where an extra blanket was stored. He pulled it out and, still careful, basically moving on his tip toes, went to the foot of Reiner's mattress, covering the lower portion of it with a blanket and tucking it slightly under the mattress to make sure it wouldn't slide off, staling glances at Reiner to make sure he was asleep.

He moved closer to Reiner's face once he was done, the somewhat intimate mood of the quiet night and the dark room getting to him and Bertholdt took a moment to just study Reiner's sleeping face. He thought he wanted to kiss him; not some passionate, deep kiss on the lips but a simple one, an affectionate gesture, a kiss on the head, for a man who captured his heart, who seemed to be more and more amazing with each passing day, who made his heart squeeze so painfully one second and then make his whole insides burst with pleasant, tingling warmth just the very next second by just being here and being himself.

If it was a romantic comedy, or a book, Reiner would've woken up and kissed him himself; or he would've woken up just when Bertholdt was leaning down and they'd confess their love to each other or he would continue to pretend to be asleep and they would act awkward and embarrassed the next day. Then one of them would bring up the kiss in a heat of some argument and they'd both discover they were in love with each other.

If it was a romantic comedy, book, movie or whatever, Reiner would love him back.

Bertholdt quietly got up and went to his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, sorry for the fillerish chapter (as if this thing actually had a coherent plot, its just a bunch of stories roughly following the same timeline); with my uni taking up my time, your support will really mean a lot and will help me get motivated like nothing else can so please, comment, leave kudos, anything, really, if you like this story even just a little bit! I really want to finish this and you can help!


	5. The Christmas spirit makes some really unsubtle hints and neither Bertholdt nor Reiner get it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bertholdt and Reiner take the 'I cant believe they're not together' brand to a whole new level.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of, thank you all who commented, you're lovely! Thank you everyone who wished me good luck with my studies, I really appreciate it!  
> Sorry for updating so slowly and, alright this is my own opinion and I'm the worst judge of my own work, for the steadily declining quality of the chapters. I hope you will stick with me till the end but if not, can't blame you!  
> As always, comments and kudos are really, really appreciated they keep me going, seriously you guys.

The next day, in the true spirit of Christmas, Reiner and Bertholdt were kicked out of the house with a shopping list in Bertholdt's hands as an excuse.

The shopping list contained such necessities as: 'Candy', 'more candy' and 'get the hell out of the house, boys'.  Harsh but understandable; if the days preceding Christmas were messy, then Christmas Day itself was pure chaos. It was a day of cooking and everyone, men and women alike, took to arms, occupying the kitchen. The younger generation was selected for the simple tasks such as carrying things or stirring this and that and really, the last thing the place needed were more people when it was already full and crowded. Reiner and Bertholdt, being the young and capable men who didn't need supervision like the younger kids, were therefore chosen to take the fall for the team and just leave the house to avoid getting in the way.

It's not like Bertholdt minded, really, and he privately thought (hoped) Reiner didn't mind as well. With so many people around them or nearby most of the time over the course of the last two days, Bertholdt already started to miss the quiet companionship they would share in their dorm when it was just the two of them. It was nice, being with the family, having fun with everyone, of course it was, but Bertholdt just missed being with Reiner and Reiner alone.

He hoped his friend felt the same way; at any rate, Reiner didn't seem too disappointed as they rode the bus to the city centre (finding a parking spot on Christmas Day would've been a miracle or would require one of them to sell his soul to the devil). Bertholdt thought it might be just his hopeful imagination but he could swear that Reiner looked happy and just a bit excited about the whole scenario.

They spent the day leisurely, just walking around the traditional Christmas market where countless people scavenged the stalls for some last-minute gifts; Reiner picked up the more interesting objects for a closer inspection, going as far as to try on a Santa hat (beard attached) and placing a reindeer one haphazardly on Bertholdt's head, snickering in between obnoxiously humming 'Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer'. "Except you're Bertholdt the colossal reindeer." He told him and Bertholdt smiled, a bit embarrassed when he noticed the stall owner looking at them with a kind of fond amusement laced with just a slight hint of 'don't you dare damage it if you're not going to buy it, you damn punks'. There were people nearby also looking at them, including smaller kids, short, fond glances as they passed by, a simple, human affection for two young friends who just decided to have some fun on Christmas Day.

Bertholdt felt just slightly embarrassed at the attention, even if it was positive, and so he gave Reiner a few more moments of amusement before removing the horny appendage and placing it carefully where it belonged, shortly followed by Reiner's hat (and beard). "You know, if you were a real reindeer, you could probably pull the sleigh all by yourself. Or, rather, you would have to, not like any other reindeers would fit with you taking the whole space." Reiner was still talking as they made their way through the crowd, or well, he made his way through the crowd and Bertholdt followed in quick, precise steps before the path that Reiner made managed to disappear, closed up by eager shoppers.

"If you were the Santa, there's no way I could pull it all by myself. Or with the help of twenty other reindeers." He retorted easily, for a moment unsure if Reiner heard his comment in all the buzzing. He wished there was enough space for them to just walk side by side.

Reiner actually took the risk and time to glare back at him. "I'm not fat, it's all muscle if that's what you're hinting at." He insisted and Bertholdt smiled slightly. "I know. Muscles are actually heavier than fat, right?"

"Well, no, it's not really that muscle weights more, it's just when you compare the volume and density it seems this way because muscles are denser so a pound of muscles occupies less space than a pound of fat would; so a person with highly developed musculature might often be actually surprisingly heavy, kind of close to an obese person. That's why all these BMI tests are loads and loads of crap since they don't take such factors into consideration." Reiner spoke and God, Bertholdt loved it when he went all smart on him. It was so easy, looking at Reiner laughing and joking and bench-pressing Connie, to forget he was actually a really smart guy, an excellent student and already a responsible, future veterinarian.

"Fair enough. You'd still be too heavy to carry, only instead of a jolly beer belly you'd have a twelve-pack." He amended and Reiner gave him an appraising glance, as if to make sure he wasn't teasing him again and apparently decided Bertholdt did take him seriously enough. "I'll have you know, I'd make a hot Santa. Come to think of it, Santa Braun does have a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

Bertholdt's heart (and other body parts) wholly agreed Reiner would make a hot everything but Reiner didn't need (shouldn't) to know that so he just chuckled nervously, neither explicitly agreeing nor disagreeing just to be safe.

It was difficult to talk while maneuvering through the crowd - Reiner had it easy, just pushing on forward but Bertholdt dodged and side-stepped and let people through and at one point got really left behind, prompting Reiner to stop and wait for him, pointedly looking at Bertholdt over the crowd of people with average height.  And then he grabbed Bertholdt's hand and pulled him forcibly through until they came to a place which sold hot chocolate with festive flavours.

Reiner's hand was cold and dry and strong as he held onto Bertholdt's slim, long fingers.

It might've been one of the most beautiful moments of Bertholdt's life.

They bought their drinks and also stopped by McDonald's for a burger or two and because everything was full and noisy and crowded, they simply sat down in the town square, on a nearby bench, hurriedly eating their food before it became greasy, cold and gross and warming their hands with the heat seeping from the hot liquid through the paper cups. Bertholdt told Reiner what to expect at dinner - all the basics, like how he should be wary of uncle Ben and uncle Josh and generally refuse any mashed potatoes they offered him because if he tried one, he would have to try the other and form an opinion that would place one over the other and that would lead to a heated argument. Both were delicious so he should just watch out for a moment when they were both not looking and quickly pile both onto his plate, mix together and enjoy it then. Reiner listened attentively as he fed some lonely pigeons with the remaining bits of his hamburger (an action that should not be encouraged for various reasons, one of them being that the pigeons became too dependent on humans but it was Christmas), who reacted with little enthusiasm to the offering, all of them already stuffed with leftovers and food left by previous passerbys. They waited until it got dark, snow gently falling from the sky on them, soft, cold and for once pleasant. And only then they decided to slowly make their way home, after stopping at the supermarket to buy candy and more candy, figuring few hours were more than enough to handle Christmas Dinner and if not, well, they will barricade themselves in Bertholdt's room.

Looking back, it was really naive of them to think that Bertholdt's family would even allow this.

Naturally, as soon as they entered home, they were greeted with yells and calls of various pitch, all complaining what took them so long, dinner was about to start and could they please hurry up and help carrying everything onto the big table in the living room already, honestly. At Bertholdt's indignant protest that they were told to get out, his mother simply replied that yes, she expected them to get out but she also expected them to come back when they were needed again and hurry up, everyone is starving and the kids want their gifts already.

Dinner was a lively affair as usual; everyone was talking over each other, teasing, complimenting, laughing and joking and Reiner actually took Bertholdt seriously for once and didn't fall for the mashed potatoes plot (even if Ben and Josh tried, they tried so, so hard). Bertholdt, of course, also got involved and he was chatting with everyone amiably, relieved when he saw Reiner do the same, exchanging stories and opinions and jokes with whoever was nearby, his laughter often prompting others to chuckle as well. And of course, there was eating, until everyone was full to the point of being in danger of exploding.

Cleaning up after dinner was abandoned in favour of opening gifts; given the number of family members, the Christmas tree had a very generous and ample pile of colourful boxes and bags but most of them were simple things, nothing overly fancy and yet greatly appreciated by everyone.

Reiner got a handmade, red, woolen scarf. "I would've made you a sweater, sweetie," aunt Jenny lamented, looking forlornly at Reiner's broad figure. "But Bertholdt didn't think about telling anyone sooner so I was pressed for time... I wanted to make you a whole set, you know, sweater, gloves, hat, scarf, it's so tough to find good-looking men wear homemade sweaters nowadays, I'm not sure why, it's such a lovely type of clothing... You must come back next year, alright? I will complete this set and prepare another one, just for you! A blue one maybe? Yes, red is fiery and it fits you very nicely but blue would give you a more gentle look..."

Reiner tried to protest, tried to insist this was enough and he never had anything handmade before and a scarf, wow, so useful, he absolutely loved it but he couldn't possibly accept anything more, just being here was enough... until Bertholdt took mercy on him and informed his friend that resistance is futile, once aunt Jenny spotted her victim, she would not let go until they were covered in woolen appendages and Reiner should really brace himself for next year.

The kids squealed and gushed over their gifts and the adults also started to discussing their presents and how useful they were so Bertholdt, after quietly setting aside his things (mostly books which he really wanted and needed, law books were expensive) nudged Reiner to start carrying the plates back to the kitchen, not wanting to have his friend feeling left out. Reiner went first and Bertholdt followed a moment later and they didn't even notice anything different or suspicious - not until they came back, together, and a squeak from one of the female members of the family made them freeze just in the entrance.

Others, curious to see what was the commotion about, turned to look - and also froze, some starting to chuckle, some shaking their heads and some grinning stupidly like people who believed they just pulled the best prank of the year.

"Ben, you still didn't take it off?" Lucy groaned, shaking her head and sighing. "We're all family here, it's really awkward!"

"Oh, come on, there are many couples in this family! And you gotta admit, it was really funny to watch everyone tiptoe around this thing just to not get caught..."

"Doesn't matter, it's there, the boys are under it, the tradition must be kept!" Aunt Claire hollered, clapping her hands.

Bertholdt gave his mother a horror-filled, confused gaze. He didn't know what was going on - but he knew he didn't like it.

His mother, taking pity on her poor son, discreetly pointed upwards and Bertholdt obediently followed, looking at what was above his head...

It was a mistletoe. He could hear Reiner inhale sharply right next to it and he felt his hands become clammy, face already starting to burn hot, forehead damp. Why did he put on that sweater? With his sweating problem, sweaters were the enemies! Even their name said so!

"Now, kiss." Aunt Claire proclaimed, with an expression on her face that just screamed 'this is gonna be good'.

"Don't embarrass the boys..." Lucy started and was promptly interrupted by Josh. "Nonsense! What's a healthy kiss between two friends? Today everyone is making a big deal over such small things! It's a fun tradition and that's that; unless you two boys don't have the balls to exchange a simple kiss? Let me tell you, back in my days, men were allowed to show their friendship and not have their sexual orientation or masculinity questioned! Give each other a healthy smack on the gob, go on!"

At this point people started to argue, alternating between 'times change, Josh, you can't expect everyone to keep up with your caveman ways' and 'kiss! kiss! kiss!'. Bertholdt's mind was blank, the noise slowly becoming a buzz; he supposed he should at this point just discreetly sneak back to his spot on the couch but he couldn't move, legs frozen to the spot, throat dry and his whole body sweating increasingly. He was ready to stand there for the next few years if need be, but then Reiner, good, confident Reiner, decided to take charge. "Ah, what the hell. It's just a tradition." He spoke up, loud enough for everyone to hear and descend into stunned silence.

Bertholdt felt strong, warm hands on his cheeks, turning him towards Reiner and he finally dared to look at his friend - determined but flushing slightly - and for a moment they stood still, Reiner silently asking for permission with how his brows lifted slightly and Bertholdt swallowing nervously, not even caring at this point what others would think because Reiner, Reiner, Reiner.

Bertholdt kissed Reiner for the first time under a mistletoe, in front of his whole family, with the snow falling outside and a quiet hum of Christmas songs in the background.

It was a simple press of two pairs of lips against each other, tentative, chaste, shy, and it was beautiful in all its simplicity.

It also put Bertholdt in such a daze that he wasn't exactly sure what happened afterwards; he remembered pulling away, he remembered his family joking, whistling, laughing before moving onto other topics, remembered getting back into the conversation like before but it was all unclear, as if a part of him was detached from the whole moment, still stuck under that mistletoe with Reiner, and the only thing connecting him to the present was his heart, which was still beating faster than usually, refusing to calm down until the evening when he was back in his room, Reiner following him shortly afterwards.

He snapped out of his daze when Reiner - with whom, as he just now realized, he didn't speak after the kiss because somehow they both wandered to other people - got something out of his bag and tossed it to him, which Bertholdt caught on reflex.

It was a small thing, wrapped in colourful paper and adorned with ribbons.

"For you." Reiner said, smiling slightly as he sat down on his mattress and just watched Bertholdt look at the thing with wonder and awe. "I didn't know if I should put it under the tree and anyway, today was so busy that even if I wanted to, there would be no chance; just, take it."

"I didn't get you anything." Bertholdt said aloud, his voice laced with horror because he forgot, with all the stress of Reiner coming over, he forgot about a gift.

Reiner waved his hand dismissively. "You invited me over and let me pig out all I wanted, I owe you five Christmas gifts at least for all the fun and food." He must've seen that Bertholdt's expression didn't change and he added quickly "And if you want to, just consider it your birthday gift. C'mon, just take it and open it already."

Bertholdt promised himself he would get Reiner a birthday gift, he would and he didn't care it was in the middle of summer and he didn't know Reiner's address yet. He started to unwrap the gift, carefully untying the ribbons, peeling off the paper, anticipation making his throat tighter because could this day get even more heart-wrecking than it already was?

The gift turned out to be a thermos.

"You like coffee, right? And you can't get through two lectures without a cup and you don't like the vending machine ones. I mean, I've seen you run out so many times and then come back, trying to run with a cup of hot coffee in your hand and one time you even spilled some on yourself, right? I've always wondered why won't you just get this thing and carry it around." Reiner explained and then, when Bertholdt looked at him in surprise - because how did he know that? - he flushed and for a moment looked downright panicked. "I mean, I don't stalk you or anything, don't look at me like I'm some sort of a creep! You know, our departments are next to each other, right? I've just seen you from the window so many times and I mean, you're kind of really tall and easy to spot so..."

Reiner was looking at him. Reiner took the time to look out of the window and took notice of him, watched him often enough to notice his habits, to think how he could make it better for him and yes, maybe it was because he was bored on his lectures but still, Reiner thought about him.

"Thank you." Bertholdt managed, quiet but honest and Reiner muttered something before speaking loud enough for Bertholdt to hear. "Nevermind. Just look at it closely."

Bertholdt did, inspecting the glistening surface of the thermos (well, it wasn't an old fashioned thermos, more like a metal cup with a lid and he did see students carrying these around now that he thought about it) when he saw something stand out on the smooth, metal surface. He took a closer look.

"You engraved a thermos?!"

Reiner's face broke into a wide, proud grin. "Well, not personally but I got it engraved, yea. Giving you a plain one would be kind of... plain, wouldn't it? What do you think?"

The engraving read: "From Reiner. Do stupid things faster with more energy." Bertholdt snickered, recognizing the quote and how it fit Reiner's blunt sense of humour. "Thank you." he repeated, fingers brushing over the words, specifically 'Reiner' fondly.

"It's the only one like that in the world so make a good use of it." Reiner bragged, beaming slightly at Bertholdt's honest gratitude. "Oh wait, that's not my quote there. Am I breaking a law here?"

"Kind of but don't worry. You have a good lawyer." Bertholdt grinned and finally set it aside on his nightstand, close to his bed, so that the engraving would be facing him when he finally went to bed.

He would stare at those letters, barely visible in the pale moonlight and marvel at how he used to think he couldn't possibly be more in love and how life proved him wrong and how it felt incredible to be in love like that, incredible but painful with his chest sometimes tightening at the mere thought of Reiner, only to feel on the verge of bursting with warmth and sunshine and something wonderful just a second later for the very same reason. His mind kept racing, his heart kept pounding and all he wanted was to just press close to Reiner on the mattress on the floor, wrap his arms and legs around him, rest his head on that strong back and never let go, ever.

Unknowingly to him, Reiner was also awake, lying on his side and berating himself for kissing a guy he liked, his best friend, who had a steady and probably really, really cool _girlfriend._ And that it all just plainly, truly _hurt_ so very much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being slow; like I said, my studies started so the speed won't get any better but the good news is, I finally planned this fanfic (more or less) and there are around 4-5 more chapters planned! Which means I might finish it this year!  
> Only with your support though so, please, leave a comment, leave kudos, if you think this is worth your time of course, leave suggestions, criticise if there's something pissing you off in the story. Thanks everyone who commented so far, you're all brilliant!  
> Also, the credit for the mistletoe idea goes to Cris who commented on the last chapter (chapter 4). Thank you so much for the idea, I hope I didn't disappoint!


	6. The basketball which Bertholdt plays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reiner brings out the best and worst in Bertholdt. Bertholdt can't bring himself to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your wonderful support, for your patience and all the comments and kudos you've left for me which made my days and weeks, thank you! I hope I won't disappoint you and you will continue to show your support; it really, really helps!

The rest of the Christmas break passed mostly uneventfully; they all stayed at home for New Year's, except Connie who had been apparently invited to some party and received the permission to go after a stern lecture about responsible partying, no drinking, absolutely no sexual activity of any kind, no drugs, no driving,  or uncle Ben would come to his school in the world's most embarrassing outfit ever and introduce himself as his new boyfriend to all of Connie's friends and a few strangers too.

( No one said anything explicitly but Bertholdt caught his parents smirking at each other behind Connie's back and he saw how carefully Connie picked his outfit and using all his lawyer wit, he deduced that yea, a girl was definitely involved, though why would Connie sneak out mashed potatoes was beyond him).

The adults mostly stayed inside and only came out, with alcohol and fireworks, close to midnight to enjoy the colourful sky that was a sign of humanity celebrating the passing of an arbitrarily set period of time, but Bertholdt sneaked with Reiner to the attic, where the windows provided a nice enough view and where things were calmer and quieter. They took sparklers and something to drink and sat there for an hour or two, mostly quiet, pressed firmly shoulder to shoulder, side by side, crowding in front of the window to observe the impressive fireworks outside, blooming loudly on the clear, night sky. Bertholdt watched how the sparklers in their hands created lovely, lovely shadows on Reiner's face and body, bathing his friend in a soft, golden glow and he kept promising himself, silently, vehemently that next year, next year for sure they would come back, together, and he'd kiss Reiner, on his own, even if he had to resort to another mistletoe plot.

Then Reiner used his sparkler to draw a crude dick shape in the air and burst into loud laughter, prompting Bertholdt to laugh quietly with him and it was the best start of a new year anyone could've wished for.

But of course, all good things come to an end and in Bertholdt's case, it took just about a week after they returned to their dorm and University life for his post-Christmas bliss to shatter.

It started, as most things did recently in his life, with Reiner. "Hey, Bert." he greeted one deceptively ordinary day, having just come back from his lectures. "You play basketball, right? You free this weekend?"

As a matter of fact, Bertholdt did play basketball in high school; mostly because everyone was asking him about it and got really surprised when he said he didn't so in the end, he started playing just because it was easier. He liked to think he was quite good at it too; well, he was good enough to be a regular on the team, anyway. "I did for a while." he said honestly. "And sure I am; why?"

"Well, a couple of guys I know are playing a match against another team. Nothing big, just a friendly match, for old time's sake, apparently." As he was talking, Reiner was already working on undoing his jacket, his shoes and then going to the kitchen to wash his hands and grab a snack and Bertholdt's eyes followed him in what he hoped was a casual manner of a person interested in what their friend had to say and not a lovestruck moron who just missed his crush after a whole day of not seeing each other. "And, get this, I agreed to play with them and then I heard one guy sprained his ankle or something and can't play. They had no clue who they could ask so I told them about you, cause you know, you look like you'd be good at basketball and what do you say?"

Bertholdt should've said no. There were many, many reasons to say no; first of all, he didn't really like hanging out with strangers just like that, second he knew sportsmen could get really competitive during a match and would resort to yelling at the slightest mistake someone made, third, and most important of all, he really hated the idea he could make a fool of himself in front of Reiner.

But Reiner was looking at him, partly-bitten sandwich in one hand, all comfortable and encouraging and Bertholdt imagined spending the Saturday evening alone while Reiner spent it with other people, probably happy and content and having a good time and yea, alright, they had the right to have their own friends and spend time with their own friends, sure, and it's not like this was the first time Reiner was out without him; but this time Bertholdt was actually invited to come along and he just knew if he stayed at home he'd spend the evening trying to read and failing because he'd be too busy wondering if he made the right decision and what could happen if he went after all.

If he didn't like it, well, he'd just excuse himself early and never come along again. And if he made a fool of himself, he'd live; Reiner met his whole family, was practically groped by his elderly aunt, was called Bertholdt's boyfriend by his youngest sister, and really, it couldn't be any worse, right?

"Alright, yea, I'll come." He finally said and the grin he received in reply was already worth any potential embarrassment and discomfort.

As it turned out, like with most cases, Bertholdt really worried for nothing.

He was the tallest of all players and that alone already gave him an advantage; and he still didn't lose his touch when it came to basketball even after taking over a year-long break. In fact, few minutes into the game and Bertholdt was surprised to discover he was enjoying himself to the point of even contemplating coming to the gym regularly to practice from time to time. All his teammates were nice too but that might've been attributed to the fact that they were winning.

And Reiner, oh, Reiner was something else entirely. Bertholdt knew he used to play rugby - or was it soccer or football? - and he knew he practiced taekwondo or judo or some martial arts but he never really saw Reiner in action. It was a breathtaking sight, both impressive and intimidating, watching him run across the court, surprisingly graceful and observant when it came to avoiding the other players or passing the ball, practically unstoppable because even if he was stopped, he was quick to pass the ball to someone else and it seemed like it was his intention all along.

And Bertholdt had to preen slightly when it became obvious that he and Reiner worked together the best; his height made it easy for him to receive the ball, even when Reiner threw it high, and he always tried to stay a bit to the side, even behind if needed, and he was always quick to get the ball and pass it to someone more competent (yea, Bertholdt wasn't that good when he was faced with an opponent, because he got nervous, unsure how to proceed and by the time he made up his mind, the opponent would probably manage to steal the ball, most of the time anyway). His specialty was passing the ball and well, he had quite a good aim and could dunk really well, mostly due to his height. Sometimes, when he was standing near the opponent's basket, Reiner would throw from a bit further away (he had the strength so his throws went high and far but his aim was really lousy) and Bertholdt would dunk it, to the cheers of rest of the team.

They made a good pair and Bertholdt took pride in that.

Everyone else on the team also seemed glad and they laughed and patted Bertholdt's shoulders and Reiner was beaming with each praise as if he was the one getting praised, making Bertholdt wonder how could he even hesitate about coming here because everything was going really, really well-

And then the third quarter happened.

He didn't exactly see what was happening; he was vaguely aware of Reiner's presence behind him and he figured they could try go for a dunk since he was closer to the basket when suddenly there was a sharp whistle (of course they had  a referee, the guy with a sprained ankle, naturally) and protesting, alarmed yells and Bertholdt turned around, surprised-

-And Reiner was on the floor, hands pressed to his face, the rest of the team gathered around him, their opponents looking at the scene warily.

Bertholdt actually felt his legs go weak for a moment and he swore that he forgot to breathe as panic seized him; he wasn't even aware he was moving until he practically ran over to Reiner's side, for the first time uncaring as he roughly pushed his own teammate out of the way and dropped to his knees, pale and scared because there was blood on Reiner's face and uniform and few angry, red spots on the floor and he could swear Reiner's eyes were just a bit wet, a reflexive reaction to pain no doubt but it was still terrifying.

"Reiner?" He asked, voice shaking, the whole situation oddly unreal and he placed a hand on Reiner's shoulder to steady himself and offer some sort of comfort.

"M'fine." Reiner answered, voice muffled and weird and slowly pulled his hands away with a wince. Blood was dripping from his nose, smeared all over it and over his lips, chin, all red and sickening.

"The fuck was that supposed to be?!" Someone from above Bertholdt snapped and Bertholdt heard a faint 'Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to; I didn't see him there, I swear!' and he forced his gaze away from Reiner's face.

"It's fine, just lemme wipe it off, I don't think it's broken or anything..." Reiner was saying and Bertholdt registered every word but his gaze was now fixed on the other team, watching one guy in particular, watching him _smile_ and _laugh_ as he mimicked thrusting an elbow into another guy's face.

Reiner said something about blood stains being impossible to remove.

_Who would even want to hurt others?_

As a child, Bertholdt couldn't comprehend something like this; even now when he read about the cases where people hurt others just because, even after Berik, even when he knew it would be his job to say that people hurt others just because they wanted to, even after all this there was still a part of him that just couldn't understand how come people hurt other people just for their own satisfaction and amusement. And now, now for the first time he saw someone do just that - to Reiner, of all people, to _Reiner_ \- and something finally clicked.

Before Bertholdt knew what he was doing, he was on his feet, moving towards that grinning scum of a man, shoulders tense, fists clenched tightly at his sides and having absolutely no clue what he was about to do. And then, when the guy finally looked at him, Bertholdt, without really thinking much about his action, raised his fist and punched him right into his nose as hard as he could, breathing heavily, his body still feeling just a bit weaker than usually from the previous shock but his hit was still strong enough to send the guy staggering back, groaning in pain. He breathed deeply, staring at him and feeling a grim kind of satisfaction.

He didn't notice Reiner's shocked - and just slightly awestruck - gaze staring at Bertholdt's back, pausing in wiping his face with his tshirt.

In the end, both the guy and Bertholdt were ordered to sit on the bench for the rest of the game while Reiner played till the end, his nose red but no longer bleeding, tshirt ominously stained with blood. There were no more incidents and they still won.

Bertholdt wasn't watching the game though; he was thinking and trying to avoid thinking at the same time, numbly staring at his hands and completely ignoring the glares the other guy kept sending his way from the other side of the bench.

_Who would even want to hurt others?_

Bertholdt never thought the answer to that question would be him. He never thought he would want to hurt someone so badly; he never thought he would actually hurt someone so badly. He never thought it would feel so right, so satisfying, so... good.

He wondered if that's what all criminals felt. He wondered if that's what Berik felt when he lied to innocent high-schoolers to lure them into drug addiction. He felt just a bit sick at the thought.

When the game ended, he smiled and chatted with the others, sheepishly laughing when someone commented on what he did and hastily assuring he didn't usually do it - 'Nah, don't worry, it's totally cool, I'd punch the guy if I thought of it sooner, he's a jackass' - and it was a relief when they finally parted ways and he could drop the mask, his expression instantly changing into a depressed frown.

Once they were alone, Reiner commented how badass he looked but stopped short when he saw the forced smile on Bertholdt's face and instead started complaining that he already had a big nose, he didn't need it to grow more, dammit, and now it's going to swell and he's gonna look like a giant nose with legs and arms. And then he dragged Bertholdt for ice cream and yea, alright, that kind of helped and cheered him up a bit.

Later, Bertholdt would lie in bed, staring at his fist and then at the vague shape of Reiner on the other bed, rising and falling slightly with deep, steady breaths and he would think that no, he wasn't like Berik, wasn't like those criminals because he didn't take pleasure in hurting people; he just took pleasure in punishing the bad guys, which was a very human reflex and the reason why the justice system was founded, because people wanted to punish the bad guys. Bertholdt just happened to react more emotionally in this case because it was Reiner, someone so important to him - and that was a very human reaction too, right?

Still... it was the first time he actually hit someone and the whole experience still seemed unreal, the feel of an actual flesh and bones under his knuckles still hard to comprehend. He was bullied a bit in the past - nothing too big since his height usually kept him safe but he did suffer from some name-calling, mostly related to his family's financial situation, and he was shoved a few times but that was just about it - but he never punched anyone. The idea of hitting someone never before crossed his mind. And yet, the reaction seemed so natural at that time - so easy!

Perhaps this was what love was really all about. Not just sunshine and warmth and soft kisses under the mistletoe; perhaps love brought the best and the worst out of you, perhaps there was more to it, perhaps love had a second side, a darker, scary side, one that made you realize just how far you can go for the sake of the person you loved, how much you are willing to sacrifice, how much you are ready to change.

Bertholdt wondered if he should be surprised by how easily he was willing to accept all of this for Reiner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, the plot thickens, drama, action aaaaaaaand it's gone. For this chapter, anyway; only 3 more chapters to go and they will get a bit more serious from now on, so I hope you're all looking forward to it!  
> Also, will someone believe me I had this chapter all planned out before I even hard about Kuroko no basket? Because I swear, that's exactly what happened. I'm not that into KnB anyway, and not into sports in general so my way of thinking was basically: I need something to happen, Bertholdt = tall, tall = basketball, ok, let's go with that, and then this happened.  
> Please leave a comment or kudos; they honestly keep me going, inspire and motivate me to write more, try to write better, something deserving of all that attention and all of you wonderful people who took their time to show their appreciation.


	7. Bertholdt re-evaluates his position in Reiner's life. Reiner remains frustratingly oblivious.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things somehow manage to become more complicated and more clear at the same time.

By some silent agreement, the whole basketball incident wasn't discussed again, despite staying so vivid in Bertholdt's mind until it briefly resurfaced during Spring Break, when another breakthrough took place (or at least that's how Bertholdt saw it; but if you asked him what kind of a breakthrough it was, in what exactly, he wouldn't have a clue, not completely anyway, just a strong, nagging feeling that this was a significant moment, something was happening here that would have an impact on his life and it was more than just him satisfying his curiosity and finding out more about Reiner and their friendship).

It all started when Jean brought his cousin, Auruo (who was only 4 years older but looked at least 10 years older due to some prominent wrinkles he already acquired, possibly from contemptuously scowling all the time) to a game on Saturday. Eren, Mikasa and Armin came over as well, since it was the spring break and they haven't been around for a while now and anyway, it was a lot more fun to watch a game in a bigger group.

At first, everything seemed to go rather well. Eren threw a remark about how the looks in the family must be really genetic if even cousins look so alike, to which both Jean and Auruo took offense and then took offense at the other taking offense, which was really quite hilarious for everyone except the two involved. Auruo and Eren cheered for different teams and Jean seemed unsure which one was the lesser evil before tentatively choosing his cousin's side; but once the game begun it all ceased to matter because, rather than arguing which team was better, they started discussing how individual players were doing and how they screwed up and what they would do if they were there and how infinitely better it would be (despite the fact none of them even played that sport).

Mikasa was mostly quiet but she did interject from time to time, her remarks surprisingly sharp and spot-on, effectively nipping any arguments in the bud, with a slight support from Marco, Reiner was relaxed, sprawled on the sofa, laughing loudly when some player screwed up and cheering when one of the teams scored. His team wasn't playing today so he really couldn't care less and didn't bother to hide it; it was nice watching him like this, relaxed, grinning, content, and Bertholdt felt like he was basking in the atmosphere, the comfort that Reiner felt and a lot of his own spreading through his body like a warm, soothing balm. And then Armin initiated a discussion about the legal system concerning policemen and why so much of it was wrong and gave the wrong public image and Bertholdt was soon effectively distracted, murmuring his agreement and voicing his disagreement, discussing the whole issue rather than lapsing into an argument, compromising and agreeing to just disagree amiably, neither of them the kind of a person who would shove their opinions down someone's throat by force if reason didn't work.

Bertholdt had no idea how much time passed, the game now forgotten; but at some point, there was a break and Jean requested they switch to the news channel (future journalist and all) and there were news about some explosion or another abroad, American soldiers getting injured in yet another war and then Auruo raised his voice and said "Yea, and the government is paying them for being murderers and they get rewarded for how many people they simply kill-"

And the whole room seemed to suddenly go very still and quiet.

Bertholdt looked around and everyone was staring at Auruo with some kind of disbelief, except Bertholdt who simply felt confused. Sure, it was a controversial opinion - not saying it was right or he agreed with it - but we were all allowed to have different views, right? If someone disagreed, it could easily be discussed if the topic was of interest to anyone-

Eren was the first to react. "Shut the hell up, what do you even know." he snarled and reached with his leg over Mikasa just to kick Auruo on the shoulder, before falling down on his back from the strength of the kick, from the unstable position he was in and the force of gravity. Especially the force of gravity.

Auruo gave an indignant squawk. "That's what it is, people just don't care because they think it's fine if it's in another country-"

"Auruo, shut the hell up, you're wrong." Jean interjected and for once, no one was surprised to see him siding up with Eren, no one except Bertholdt whose confusion grew slightly. Sure, the topic was sensitive, but - everyone was taking it so personally... was there something he didn't know? Eren's father worked for the military at some point, as a scientist, not a soldier so surely that couldn't be the reason...?

"And you're dumb." Eren added mercilessly, Mikasa glaring at the poor man and even Marco had a frown on his face and at that point Armin said, "Well, there are a lot of factors you need to take into an account-"

And then Reiner spoke. Reiner, who had been usually the first to break such argument, who was really quiet until now. "Well, we're all allowed to have our own opinions." he said amiably, his naturally louder voice prevailing over the rest. He stood up, empty Garfield mug in his hand. "I'll be right back; just gonna grab a drink before the game is back on." (they wouldn't drink alcohol around minors, after all).

His words silenced everyone for about three seconds before all of them erupted into arguments again, which mostly consisted of such brilliant reasoning as: 'Auruo, you moron' and 'What would you even know?' and 'Just shut up already.'

Only Bertholdt stayed quiet, as usual unwilling to get into an argument like that; and also watching Reiner retreat into the kitchen, a gnawing sensation in his stomach that something was up, something was going on, and he was the only one left out and Reiner was the key.

So he stood up and silently followed his friend to the kitchen, only to find him waiting for the water to boil, the small lamp by the counter illuminating his figure, instead of the bright one on the ceiling and that was the first true sign something was up because Reiner always turned on all the lights when he entered a room in the evening.

Bertholdt had no idea how to start but thankfully, Reiner spared him the effort, giving him a small smile. "I'm afraid they got into quite an argument because of me." he noted, somewhat dryly as the symphony of raised, angry voices easily reached them.

"You?" Bertholdt repeated, unable to hide his surprise because... what?

Reiner's look was one of fake innocence and was he always such a terrible liar or did Bertholdt just know him so well already? "Yea. I didn't tell you? My parents work in the military. Both. Both officers. My mum is currently deployed out there; dad is at home, taking care of my younger sister. When I was old enough, they used to leave together though and my aunt and uncle looked after me."

"I didn't know." Bertholdt reiterated faintly, a bit lightheaded. Was this why Reiner wouldn't talk about his family? Was he... was he afraid other people would react like Auruo? Was it really that... well, no, it wasn't simple, of course not, and something in Bertholdt's chest squeezed when he imagined Reiner, a young teenager, not seeing his parents for months but watching the news on the tv every day and listening what could be going on with them any moment, each ring of the phone bringing about dread and fear.

But then... then... Why did everyone seem to know? Because they all had to know. This was why they got so indignant, so defensive; because they all knew about Reiner, about that part of him, even Jean, even Eren and Mikasa and Armin who were still in highschool, but not Bertholdt who lived with Reiner for months in the past two years, who thought they were close friends, who spent Christmas with Reiner at his own home.

It hurt. The knowledge cut through him deeply, squeezing something in his chest and then moving to his throat and for a while he couldn't speak, he couldn't breathe as the realization of how not close they really were hit him like a ton of very painful bricks.

"It's not really that important, though," Reiner was saying (Isn't it? Bertholdt wanted to ask, wanted to reach out, grab Reiner's shoulders and either shake the man or pin him to the wall and... and do something, ask him if Bertholdt is really less trustworthy than all those people out there, if he really deserves less and why, what could he possibly do to deserve Reiner's trust on matters that were apparently not that important and then maybe he would kiss him again since they would be so close and he would bask, relish in that moment that he shared with Reiner, that - as far as he knew - no one else in there shared).

But of course, all that he did was curl his fingers into tight fists and breathe deeply, trying to blink back the tears that were suddenly pooling in his eyes.

Reiner didn't notice. He said something more about how it doesn't matter and then the water boiled and he made his damn hot cocoa and Bertholdt forced himself to listen through the odd buzzing in his ears.

"... used to it, you know. I'm not really bothered by people saying stuff like that, I mean, I don't really see my mum and dad as soldiers. They're mom and dad as far as I'm concerned. Getting insulted just because someone says soldiers are bad, bad people? It's like getting insulted when someone says humans suck."

No, Bertholdt wanted to protest, it does bother you, I can see it, it does bother you when people call your parents paid murderers while you probably worry for their safety every day and pray they won't die, I can see it bothers you but you don't want to argue, because you're afraid you'd run out of arguments, you'll be defeated and forced to admit to yourself that they are murderers when you know they're not, you know it with something you can't describe and you're afraid words will fail you and you will feel like you failed them, I can see it bothers you, I can see even if you didn't tell me anything, even if I don't know like everyone else does, why don't you trust me? (And oh, Bertholdt could relate, he could relate so strongly; because he was there when his brother was accused of being a drug dealer, when people whispered about it and some threw loud, brash comments and Bertholdt had to grit his teeth not to protest because of the same fear, the fear he would fail Berik and be unable to defend him, unable to prove his innocence not in terms of the crime but how he wasn't a bad person, he wasn't.)

Bertholdt felt cold sweat break on his forehead; he knew at this point he would have to say something soon but he didn't trust himself at this moment (and oh the irony, he didn't trust himself but he expected Reiner to trust him, useless, useless, useless), he didn't trust his voice to come out normal, didn't trust his mouth to form the words he wanted to say and instead say something that is actually on his mind-

And then there was a loud crash and Reiner cursed. "Hey, you break it, you bought it!" he hollered as he passed Bertholdt and went back to join everyone. "We're poor students here, we don't have an infinite supply of glasses or plates!"

Bertholdt was left alone in the quiet kitchen, wondering dully why, how could he get all of this so wrong, how could he think they were close friends when Reiner trusted so many other people before him? Reiner was his number one and Bertholdt was maybe somewhere in the first ten of Reiner's most trusted friends, and that was only if Bertholdt was lucky, and how pathetic was that?

But there was also anger. Not just at Reiner - because Bertholdt tried so hard, well, he didn't try just to suck up to his crush, but he did what he could to make him happy because he wanted Reiner happy but apparently that wasn't enough and he was doing something wrong or not enough here - but also at himself. He probably should've asked. The moment he noticed something was off in the family department in the Braun household - he should've asked and kept asking. Should've made it obvious he was there to listen, always. Should've... stopped just waiting, take initiative, ask Armin, ask Jean, ask anyone and stop being so presumptuous that he was just as important to Reiner as Reiner was to him, be it as a crush or friend.

And then, at the back of his head, there was regret; that he didn't know, that he couldn't defend Reiner when he needed him, that everyone else did it but he didn't, that he didn't know and couldn't punch Auruo in his face (Bertholdt didn't like the man from the moment he saw him, anyway, the smarmy smirk and contemptuous grimace), that he didn't do anything.

Bertholdt accepted this feeling as a sentence and, as a form of repentance, went back to rejoin everyone and acted like nothing happened and his world didn't just shatter into pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot apologize enough for the delay; honestly, I salute everyone who is still reading this fic; all I can offer is that I didn't delay it on any malicious purpose, things just happen and make other things happen. Also, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for every single comment, every single kudos, you probably cant imagine how much they contribute to this story, how much motivation and inspiration these give me, because Im a silly human being like that, so just take my word, theyre incredibly important to me.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave feedback, you might think with my pace it doesnt make a difference but it does, it really, really does, it makes a tremendous difference in this fic and in my life, just seeing a new comment or some kudos or even both makes my whole day like whoa!!


	8. Bertholdt proposes. Reiner remains blissfully oblivious to the gravity of the situation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bertholdt isn't of sound mind when he proposes. Despite being a law student, he sees nothing wrong with that. Despite not being a law student, Reiner sees everything wrong with that.

Roughly a week after the fateful Saturday Game Night (fateful for Bertholdt, at least), Bertholdt found himself succumbing to the annual Spring Break cold, along with half of the student population. Except Reiner, of course, who had the world's most annoying resilience to germs and could waltz around in the rain without a jacket or an umbrella for hours and not get as much as a sniffle while Bertholdt always diligently put on his rainproof jacket, hood up, and took an umbrella and yet he was the one who ended up sweating even more than usually in his bed, fever up so high it was out of the roof.

At least Reiner had the decency to take responsibility for his annoyingly strong immune system and voluntarily went out to buy medicine when needed, made hot tea when asked and cooked soups, porridges, rice gruels and whatever food he could think of that was light and easy on both the stomach and a sore throat. Like right now.

"I made chicken noodle soup. Classics are always good." Reiner said from the doorway, carefully holding the steaming bowl in his hands as he maneuvered it to the bedside table beside Bertholdt's bed, which was already temporarily cluttered with medicine, a stray book, a whole pile of tissues that could give someone a really wrong impression and a half-empty mug. Reiner managed to find an empty spot, with Bertholdt weakly sweeping the book aside (food for the body before food for the mind was his current motto) and set it aside, taking a seat on Bertholdt's bed and looking at him, sympathetic, warm and honest. "How are you feeling?"

The last few days have been... strained on Bertholdt's side. It's not that he moped over the whole thing all this time - yes, he was feeling a bit under the weather because of everything that happened and that was a normal reaction when you found out that a person you believed was your best friend and also happened to have a crush on, didn't exactly see you that way - but thing was, he was capable of pushing it to the side. He was still able to focus on his studies, on the everyday life, still able to laugh and joke and chat with Reiner, Annie and Armin, but the whole incident was far from forgotten and his interactions with Reiner were now tainted and even when they laughed together, sooner or later Bertholdt remembered that Reiner didn't trust him as much as Bertholdt did and the doubt would set in, like a familiar, annoying family member who couldn't take a hint and leave him be, and Bertholdt wouldn't be sure if the laughter or any words he said were even genuine on Reiner's part.

And he would probably continue like this for months if not years because Bertholdt didn't face such sensitive and complex issues head on and by that time Reiner would probably notice something was off and they would either have a falling out or drift apart for good and Bertholdt would forever remember and regret that one incident, regularly coming back to every word that has been said and berating himself for all the different, better ways he could've handled this.

Except, luckily or not, right now Bertholdt had a high fever and he was light-headed and much more prone to blurting out things before thinking them properly through and Reiner was sitting there, concerned, honest, with a soup he made himself just for Bertholdt - and Bertholdt's chest squeezed at the thought that the affection behind these actions, friendly or otherwise, might be all in his head. "Why did you tell everyone except me?" he blurted out and felt too ill and dazed to even bring himself to feel embarrassed by his blunt words.

Reiner looked appropriately confused. "Tell about what?"

"Your family." Bertholdt elaborated and had a distinct feeling he might be starting to sound whiny. "You told everyone - Armin, Eren, Jean, Marco, they knew and I... didn't. I wouldn't judge, you know? Is it because I'm a law student?" He wasn't exactly sure what law had to do with anything here, it's not that he was studying martial law or anything remotely connected to war and soldiers but he vaguely remembered Auruo mentioning murderers and murder was definitely a law thing.

Reiner started at Bertholdt, wide-eyed and stunned before running a hand down his face with a groan. "Oh my God." he muttered just as Bertholdt's nose acted up again and he was forced to blow it, loudly, in a tissue. "I didn't even realize - I mean, shit, alright, of course you'd see it that way but I didn't even think how it would look from your side." Reiner continued, his voice an odd mixture between an avid realization and slight panic. "Look, it's not like it - you got it totally wrong. I didn't tell anyone about it, actually; but Eren's father worked with the military and at some point met with my mother and he remembered my name and when Eren told him my name, he kind of figured it out. And if Eren knows, Mikasa and Armin also know. And with Marco and Jean, well, I think Marco's uncle serves in the army and I'm pretty sure he even works with my father so, I guess Marco must've heard it from him. It's a stupid coincidence, really; I didn't tell anyone about my parents being soldiers." he paused. "Not because I'm ashamed or anything. I'm proud. Just... I didn't see a reason to bring it up just like that."

Bertholdt didn't quite understand everything - but he latched on the most important part of the whole speech, that Reiner didn't tell anyone, that everyone knew because they were cheating and had resources Bertholdt didn't have and it wasn't a blatant sign of distrust on Reiner's side but rather a ridiculous misunderstanding.

"Oh." He said, weakly, still struggling to process everything and now blushing a bit when he realized he jumped to conclusions and the wave of relief that went over him was downright overwhelming. "Reiner." he added, quite sure his fever just raised a few degrees and absolutely clueless as to what he wanted to say now except that he wanted to say something. "Marry me."

Something flashed through Reiner's face just for a second - a kind of vulnerability Bertholdt didn't see there before, not ever - but before he could try and make sense of it, it was gone and Reiner was chuckling as he got up and turned his back to Bertholdt , sorting out papers on his desk instead and unloading books from his bag. "Well, you must be feeling better if you're tossing marriage proposals left and right like that."

"I mean it." Bertholdt insisted and yea, it definitely came out as whiney.

"Well, unless you have a ring stashed there somewhere, I kind of doubt it."

"I will buy you a ring with my first paycheck." Bertholdt swore vehemently, both to Reiner and himself and earned himself another deep chuckle from Reiner.

"Sorry; I need at least one dinner date first before considering marriage proposals."

"I bought you pizza!" Bertholdt protested, ready to argue some more but Reiner simply laughed and looked back at him with a smile and told Bertholdt to eat his soup before it gets cold and nasty.

Later, when Bertholdt would sleep, Reiner would sit by his desk, reading the same sentence in his book for the umpteenth time and think about that time in the kitchen, back when he told Bertholdt about his family, something he hadn't done since the first year of highschool - again, not because he felt bad or guilty and not even because a few people started to put his family down - because people started to get self-conscious because of it around him. His classmates and friends would talk about some new, amazing video game where you had to shoot at soldiers or where soldiers fought and died and at some point one of them would remember Reiner's circumstances and there would be an abrupt, sudden pause before one of them would awkwardly shift the topic to something else and everyone would know what was up anyway and Reiner would excuse himself a moment later to let them talk about the game without anything holding them back.

In retrospect, it was a nice thing to do. They were being attentive to him and his feelings, except they also made him feel excluded, a bit alienated and while they were good friends and got along well, there were moments like these when Reiner felt self-conscious that he was, in a way, holding them back.

He got into a habit of not mentioning his parents after that. And then, well, then there was a whole new reason for him not to mention his parents which no one knew, not Eren's father, not Marco's uncle, no one except Reiner and his parents, the people involved.

He would tell Bertholdt about it, though. Bertholdt was alright in a way that he didn't judge for things that you couldn't control, he listened and didn't interrupt and talking to him felt good. Reiner could see himself talking with Bertholdt for a long, long time, confiding in him about things he never told anyone about - but then again, there was also something else he could see himself doing to Bertholdt with his mouth, so perhaps he was a bit biased here.

Physical attraction aside, Bertholdt was the one person Reiner grew to trust and feel most comfortable with, the one person who definitely stood out among his group of friends - and how ironic it was that the same person would be the one to doubt Reiner's trust in him?

~~

Three days later, on a fine Thursday morning, Bertholdt met up with Annie in their usual spot and the first thing he said was: "I asked him to marry me."

Annie's mild concern over Bertholdt's recently absence from their meetings, changed into an impressed and slightly understanding look, undoubtedly assuming that Bertholdt's sudden disappearance was connected to a wild celebration that was sure to follow the impromptu marriage proposal.

Bertholdt couldn't bring himself to prolong this sad joke any longer than that. "But I was running a high fever and I don't think he took me seriously."

The impressed look was gone as soon as it appeared. "Well." she said amiably. "I suppose it still counts as something."

Bertholdt made a vague noise that he wasn't sure was meant as an agreement or tentative disagreement and frowned slightly, contemplating changing his routine and going for a bacon or chicken sandwich or, well, anything that was more chewable than scrambled eggs in a toast because he kind of missed food like that recently.

"Did he say no?" Annie asked after a brief pause and Bertholdt looked up at her, startled at the question.

"No." he said, the realization now setting in. True, Reiner joked back about rings and dinner dates and questioned Bertholdt's lucidity during the whole proposal - but not once he said no or even implied he wouldn't accept once certain conditions were fulfilled (dinner date first, a ring during the proposal and no fevers were apparently the said conditions and something Bertholdt would definitely keep in mind for no particular reason except a very vague and unlikely future possibility that he might need it).

"No, he didn't say no." he repeated, slightly louder, back straightening and silly smile slowly spreading on his face. Alright, so maybe Reiner didn't say no because he didn't even treat it as a serious situation, thought that the 'no' was implied - but Bertholdt still took ridiculous pleasure in such a simple, ambiguous fact.

Annie smiled secretly as she raised her cup to her lips and glanced to the side, just in time to see a familiar strong figure pass by the wide window of the cafe, glancing inside and right towards their usual table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year's everyone! I am so terribly sorry for the delay - I honestly wanted to finish this fice before 2014 but, well, life happened. But I am definitely planning on finishing this - only one chapter left, guys!
> 
> I commend everyone who still reads this fic, especially if youve been with me since chapter 01. Your patience knows no bounds and I admire you so much - but then again, it's not like this story has especially breath-taking plot twists or cliffhangers.
> 
> As usual, please comment and leave kudos! They always brighten my day and are the source of my inspiration; if you have any ideas for a fanfic with Reiner and Bertholdt or a story in this universe, please tell me about it as well, who knows, I jut might want to write it out!
> 
> Again, thank you everyone who left feedback, youre the greatest!


End file.
